The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain (jenni_the_odd) wrote,
The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain
jenni_the_odd

Hmm, Michael's on now.
I'm so used to talking to him online - I forget sometimes that I will get to see him at school, too. Of course, it doesn't make any difference. He never approaches me to speak to me, and sometimes if he sees me walking in his direction, he walks away. I don't think he realizes I know that he's doing that - he might not even be consciously aware of it. But he does. I look at him and I catch his eyes, then he looks away. I stand up, he does also, and walks in the opposite direction. In the halls, I know he sees me because I see him look in my direction, then quickly act like he didn't notice me and is just looking around. I've done that too, if I see someone I'd really like to avoid.
It's not as bad as it was at the end of this last school year, when Emily was mad at me. (I didn't really do anything - She refused to speak to me for a week or two because I made her think about something Michael did that angered her) That meant that simply by association, Michael was also giving me the silent treatment. He didn't flat-out refuse to speak to me, but he wouldn't look me in the eye. He would glance over his shoulder, or keep his back turned to me as he spoke.

Sad thing is, he's probably my best friend. He knows me better than anyone else, I think. But we don't do the normal "best friend" stuff that my sister and her friends do. I've been over to his house once or twice for school projects, he's been over here once for the same reason. That's it. We don't talk on the phone, or at school. We don't sit near each other. We don't 'hang out' together. Really, our main communication is online. *sigh* and now even that's falling apart. We've got nothing to talk about. I guess I'm an idiot for still loving him anyway. Sometimes I think we'd make a lousy couple. But I can't help it, dammit. I do. Maybe I always will.

I guess I'll try to leave him alone from now on. He doesn't really want - or need - me around, so maybe he'll be happier without me bothering him.
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