The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain (jenni_the_odd) wrote,
The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain
jenni_the_odd

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Crushlink

argh.
A long, long time ago, (months and months, might even have been a year or more) I got that annoying e-mail from crushlink.com: "Somebody has a crush on you!"

my first reaction: *grrrr* *resisting urge to throw computer out the window*

I hate that site with a passion. Because it's a joke. It'd have to be a joke. No one in their right mind would have a crush on me.
I assumed it was Adam. He and I talked often on AIM at the time, and he had recently mentioned crushlink, and how he was trying to figure out who the heck sent him the e-mail. I think he sent it to try to convince me how annoying it was to not know.
I deleted all the crushlink e-mails and thought nothing more of it. I think that irked him a bit; that I wasn't going nuts trying to figure out who it was.
Because it's a joke. It'll always be a joke. And it'd be stupid to think it wasn't.

In middle school, guys used to tease their friends by coming up to me and saying "hey, he likes you!", pointing at their friends, and running away laughing. I had never met these people. Their friends would get pissed off and insult me just to show how much they didn't like me.
It's always just a joke.
Michael and I joke a lot; I tend to hit on him mercilessly, and every now and then he almost comes close to flirting back at me... But if I hug him at school he always looks like he wants to run away and disinfect himself.
It's never more than a joke.
No one will ever 'have a crush' on me, much less love me. Knowing this doesn't make it any easier, but I guess it's better than always hoping and being constantly disappointed.
hell, I don't think I'd want a guy who'd be desperate enough to settle for me.
Maybe that's why I don't really expect Michael to ever return my feelings for him. I know he can do much, much better. And I hope he does.

by the by...
all "aww" and "you're-not-so-bad" comments will be deleted. I. do. not. want. sympathy.
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