The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain (jenni_the_odd) wrote,
The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain
jenni_the_odd

ramblings-y-ness

yeah. I made another word. *looks at the title* hehe.

I miss Michael. (neonid)
And you know you've been on LJ too long when you think their name and automatically start typing the URL for their journal... e_e;;
But I do miss him. One sucky thing about the end of marching season is that I no longer see anyone in the top band. Which means weeks can go by without seeing him or getting to talk to him, if he doesn't feel like getting online. -_-
*sigh* I know. Pathetic. But I miss him. *sniffle*

I made a new friend. lost1605. He's a sweetheart. He's a lot like me in many ways... we both have this deep-rooted need to be loved. ^_^ Yeah, friends are nice, but we seem to share some nasty insecurity problems and we just want someone to love us and hold us and be there.
So any cute guys out there (or girls...) who are sweet and kind and honest and think "awww" when they hear that, go give 'im a hug. And if you break his widdle heart, I break your knees, capiche? *cracks knuckles*

< rant >
Elizabeth (not to be confused with "Liz") asked me one of the most annoying and thought-provoking questions a while back.
"Are you, like, trying to be goth or something?"
I said 'no'.
I've never heard two definitions of "goth" that are the same. I've never heard one I completely like, either. So until someone comes up with one, I'm gonna remain undecided on that.
As to all the things people have described as being 'gothic':

- I was raised as a Christian.
- I don't listen to the Cure.
- Hot Topic disturbs me more and more as time goes on.
- Yes, I wear a lot of black. So?
- I rarely, if ever, wear makeup.
- I have sworn to never dye my hair.
- Yes, I have a bit of a fishnet fetish. So?
- I draw anime-ish people wearing stuff I would wear if I could obtain it. Stop looking at me like that.
- No, I don't have a problem with the ideas of whips, chains, handcuffs, etc. being involved in sexual situations.
- I have two peircings, one in each ear. Odds are great that I will never have more.
- Yes, I like chains, buckles, spikes, and whatnot. So?
- I do not dress this way to shock my parents and other people. My mom likes how I dress, and I cannot tell you how thankful I am that I don't have to argue with her over my appearance all the time anymore (she had issues with sweatshirts and jeans, but not with fishnet and big black boots. Yeah, I don't understand either. I'm quite happy about it, though)
- No, I am not disturbed by men who wear more makeup than I do. So?
- I sing along with Japanese and Korean pop songs.
- I'm only happy when it rains (not really. I do love the rain, though)
- I can be the most inhumanly annoying morning person on the planet when the fancy strikes me.
- I am not skinny and pale with long straight black hair. I am fat and I tan so fast it's amazing, with long, curly hair that encompasses every natural shade known to man without the aid of any sort of chemicals. e.O
- I would quite happily sleep during the day and be awake all night if I could get away with it.
- I've never done any sort of drug. I never intend to.
- I don't like concerts.
- My best friend and I have a sort of reverse suicide pact - we've agreed that when we go on our respective homicidal killing sprees, we won't slaughter each other. ^_^
- I do not and would not ever sleep around. I will hug those I care about, I will kiss those I love, and I will sleep with the one I marry.
- for the last friggin time, I do not eat babies. -_-;

Yeah. My first exposure to anything remotely 'gothicky' was online. ravensmother, in fact. I encountered her when I was a young and stupid newbie in a chat room. I saw her Elfwood gallery and her writing and was intrigued. She's probably what got me started on the path to anime-ish drawings; because her work is just that damned cool.
Some time after I encoutered another fascinating person - I saw pussinboots's gallery and fell absolutely in love with her style. I'm pretty certain she indirectly began my love affair with black and white pen work.

Some time afterwards I wasn't online for quite some time. Some would say I was depressed. I refer to it as 'The Time Jenni Had Issues". Wanted to die, blah blah blah. yeah, it's been done.
I had been drawing my characters wearing such interesting clothes - now I dress like they do (most of the things Makenzie wears is stuff I own or stuff I want to own. A lot of what Chris wears is what I'd wear when/if I lose a bit more weight.).
I think a little differently than most people I tend to encounter at school. But I don't think that's a bad thing.
I've been called (and I quote):
"A fucking psycho!"
"misery chick"
"the happiest damn goth in the world!"
"the dark queen"
"the big sister I never had"
"mommy!"

Generally, the people I've found to be most fascinating have been described as 'gothicky', either by themselves or by someone else (there are AWAYS exceptions to this rule. I love almost everyone. I just don't always want to be around them, is all). So be it. I dunno what 'goth' is, but apparently, I like it.

< /rant >

This is really cool:
http://oekaki.aesiraven.com/bbsnote.cgi?fc=open_pch&pch=s_000144.pch&width=300&height=300
psytoasty is a friggin' oekaki GOD.
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