The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain (jenni_the_odd) wrote,
The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain

stolen from jenndolari

Are you depressed, stressed, dealing with anxiety, dealing with racing thoughts, etc. right now?
Give me definitions before I give you answers. Offhand... meh. I suppose: yes, yes, no, what's etc.?

Do you keep things inside?
Often. I try to be quite open when it involves other people, but when it's just in my own mind, I tell only those I trust.

If so, why do you think that is (be honest)? I trust almost no one. If a random person were to ask me what was wrong, I would respond with a shrug and an "I dunno". I trust almost no one because I am afraid of getting hurt.

Do you take any medication and if so what is/are your meds?

If you don't take meds do you think that you should?
For a while my parents wanted to put me on some sort of medication. I think it was because they found that 'jisatsu' picture... the self-portrait I did with my wrists slit. The blood was real.

Do you need help? With what?

Have you been diagnosed with anything?
Everyone in my family has this tendency to get cancer upon reaching the age of 70, but they are always pretty healthy until then. Seems like as good a tradition to carry on as any...

Do you constantly forget things?
Who are you? And where are my pants?
*smartass* yes. Constantly. I have an absolutely terrible memory sometimes - but I can quote entire passages from books I read once as a seven year-old. Go figure.

If you could relate to any movie character who would it be?
I can't think of any one movie character in particular. I tend to empathize too much with movie characters. 's why I don't go to movies often. I get too wrapped up.

In which way can you relate to this character?

Do you have suicidal thoughts or have you ever had suicidal thoughts?
Damn, it's tricky to slit one's wrists while typing. *ahem* Often.

Are you suicidal or have you ever tried?

If so when was the last time you did so?
A couple months ago. Stopped myself at the last minute.

Kurt Cobain or Marilyn Monroe (meaning would you take your life quickly and shoot yourself as Kurt Cobaine did or would you overdose on pills as Marilyn Monroe did)?
Depends on the mood I'm in. If I'm greatly upset and I just want to get it over with, gun. If I've not completely decided, pills.

Do you have a bad temper?
Not really. When really, really irritated, I mentally retreat. I become a lump. And thus it's very, very difficult to actually anger me - you'd have to threaten someone I care about.

Do you tend to dress in a lot of dark colors without always realizing that you do?
I looked in my closet recently. Completely black, save for a few hints of blue (jeans) and linen (couple of shirts). I love color, but I don't look good in it.

Is life just too much?

Do you feel that you are alone?
Romantically? Quite. Permanently. As far as friendships go, not so much... though there's still very few people I would consider 'close' friends. If you're reading this and you have to ask, odds are you are not one of them. All this means is I will not bother you with my problems - I am still quite willing to listen to yours.

Are you alone?
I am rarely physically alone. I have a large family, and I am constantly surrounded by people at school. It merely feels that I am alone. Even when there are no other people around, I still have those little voices...

Do you hear voices in your head?
My characters used to be a chatty bunch. They've been quiet for some time now. I wonder if they died.
There's another voice, one I've not named... One I cannot give a face to. He likes to remind me of how worthless I am. He's a loud one...

If so what is one of things they have told you?
Why bother?

Do you often realize that your characteristics are slightly different?
I often find myself having to explain my thought processes. I tend to look at things a little more logically than most people, sometimes. There have been occasions where I look around in a classroom and I can't help but think: "For all their intelligence... these people are idiots." Then the voice starts up again, reminding me how stupid I am.

Do people stare at you?
They have a tendency to either stare or overlook my presence entirely. I can't tell you how many times I've been accidentally counted absent because a teacher simply didn't notice I was there.

Do they talk about you?
Not to my knowledge. What does it matter?

Do you somehow think that you can sense and feel certain things?
I have a tendency to empathize a bit too much. If someone I care about is upset, I become upset. If they are angry, I pick up on it really quick. If they are happy or silly, I will be the same. This only applies to people very close to me. I am unaffected by other people.

Do you believe in the word Normal?
What is this 'normal' of which you speak? I know it not..

Is life just a big fucked up dream to you or is life as real as it gets to you?
It being a big fucked up dream would explain a lot. But since I always die horrible grisly violent deaths in my dreams, I will assume it is real.

Do you do any drugs?
Who needs 'em? mmmm, natural chemical imbalances...

If so, did you know that XTC is known to make people even more depressed when the high is over as some side effect?
Doesn't matter to me. I don't do drugs of any sort. I don't intend to.

Do you live the alternative lifestyle (such as gay, lesbian, queer, bisexual)?
For some reason, people tend to think I'm a lesbian. (my sister has the same problem - though not so much now that she's got a boyfriend) I hate girls. We're petty and catty and picky and bitchy and illogical and so annoying, and we hold grudges forever. I have to wonder how anyone could put up with us. Um, back to the question. Nope. Pretty average lifestyle.

Do you have an escape?
No, not really.

What exactly is your escape my friend?
Release the hounds, a comma is missing. I used to escape by drawing or writing. I haven't written in so long, and I can't seem to draw anything that soothes me lately. RPing was fun, but even that has lost it's charm.

Do you drink alcohol?
No. I hate the taste of all alcoholic beverages (I can't even stand wine sauce - I have no clue why). And I have no desire to.

Do you drink the Devils poison alone?
If I did drink, I probably would. Who else would I drink with?

Did you know that this is also a sign of depression?
Yes I did.

Please share your favorite quote with us whether it be from a poem, song, movie, ect.:
Who is this 'us'? Wasn't it 'my' a few questions ago? Did the quiz asexually reproduce when I wasn't looking? I'm now confused. And let me see if I can find something...
"She kisses everyone goodby and waves her middle finger high; they're never gonna mess with her again. Drama queen at seventeen, sleeping with the boys for free; she got a reputation for being easy. She's saying goodbye, leaving tonight, she's wasted all her lonely teardrops..."
"I'm here... ready to take it all in... Everything's feeling unclear... I wish it was raining - 'Cause I hate every beautiful day."

Both from songs by Sugarcult.

Are you a loner?
It varies. Sometimes I wish I was, sometimes I am and I enjoy it, sometimes I am and I wish to god I wasn't.

If so, do you prefer it that way?
See above.

Do you lean more towards being a preppy or Goth?
I suppose goth. See my Goth Rant.

If you so do you often find yourself disliking the other?
Stereotypes tend to bother me. What disturbs me far more, however, is how eerily impossible it is to tell the girls at my school apart. My school is notorious for housing rich, mildly alcoholic, preppy snobs. I quite literally cannot tell most of the people at my school apart - they dress alike, dye their hair alike, even speak, act, and seem to think exactly alike. That scares me more than you could possibly understand...

Hot or Cold?
I don't get it. Cold, I suppose. I'm always cold.

Fire or Ice?
Fire. On a cold day.

Rope, Knife, Razor, Gun, or Pills?
Knife. I enjoy blood.

Do you feel like you can kill sometimes?
There are reasons I sometimes want people to leave me the hell alone - it tends to stem from being afraid I will hurt them.

Have you ever fantasized about killing?
Not in the sense that I was hoping to one day do it. My brain was idle and bored.

Do you believe that the kids from Columbine High were just fed up with the In crowd fucking with them (since they were out to murder the Preps, Jocks, and popular students)?
I say they're responsible for their own actions. I've spent a lot of time being teased or ridiculed, and I've yet to kill anyone for it. Some of the sweetest (if not necessarily... eh... most intelligent) people I've ever known have been 'preps'. Then again, some 'preps' left lasting scars on my psyche. You have to go by the individual.

Would you have went along with it?

Do these questions offend you?
they're just questions. I can always delete them or edit them. No one is forcing me to answer.

Why do they or don't they offend you?
Why would I hide any of this? And besides, there's no one to be offended by. It's a bunch of questions.

Are you just a waste of space?
I am a terrible waste of matter. I could have been a perfectly good tree.

Were you abused as a child (mentally or physically)?
Never by my family. Kids at school liked to torment me, but hey, who hasn't had to deal with that?

No, my parents trust me probably more than they should. I'd like to keep that trust. My sister is the rebellious one - she's gotten me in a bit of trouble, actually.

Do you own a wallet chain?
Yes I do. It used to be my brother's, but since he couldn't have it at school i took it, doubled it up, and I now wear it as a bracelet.

Can you relate to the song Sickness by the group Disturbed?
I've never heard it.

Do you smoke cigarettes (if so, why did you start to begin with)?
Ugh, no. I've been trying to get my aunt Alice to quit for seven years now. So far, not working. I hate the smell of cigarrette smoke.

Do you smoke pot (if so what is your reason for smoking pot)?
No, though I know plenty of people who do. If I wanted to, I could... but I don't. I just don't see the point.

Are you a cutter?
I used to be. My arms are pretty much healed up - I don't scar easily, which I suppose is a good thing. I scratch my arms 'til they bleed on a daily basis, though. It's a bit of a nervous habit.

Does it keep you feeling?
It did, for a time. When I didn't even feel that anymore, I stopped.

Are you somebody?
I don't know.

Why did you take this survey?
Sheer boredom. And I'm arrogant enough to think people will care about what my answers are.

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