The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain (jenni_the_odd) wrote,
The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain
jenni_the_odd

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quick trip through my mind:

I wonder if Michael's online
Yup. He got on while the cat pinned me to the couch
Dammit, why won't my Keenspace account work for me?
oh...
Damn, Mr. Stump knew how to change the file extension...
how stupid am I, you'd think I could figure out something that simple...
god, I'm an idiot.
yeesh, more literature for design schools. What the hell was I thinking? I'm never gonna get into those.
My art sucks. The anime's getting to be near-decent, but none of the colleges will even look at that. Just tupid cartoons. They want real art. And if there's one thing that working at TAS has taught me, it's that I'm no real artist.
Damn... I gotta quit working soon...
God, I'm gonna miss it.
I'm gonna miss being someplace where I matter.
At school, I'm background noise. Admittedly, I can be damned loud background noise, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't matter to anyone. I coul dmove away and I doubt most people would notice, and of those that would, I seriously doubt any of them would care or be affected much.
At work, I know things. People look to me for help. Marc has referred customers to me, for cyring out loud. He's a proffesional artist, and he's asked ME questions. That's quite possibly the biggest compliment anyone's ever paid me.
And now I gotta leave it all. for three months.
I don't know how I'm gonna be able to handle it.
Even when I was at my worst... when I was so down I wanted to die, when I didn't want to do anything - back when my grades all slipped and cutting myself didn't even bother me anymore - my job was the only happy moment in my life. I was able to show up and be loved, to smile and concentrate on something else for a while... it was wonderful.
God, I'm gonna miss it.

Dammit, I fucking HATE it when I cry.
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