September 7th, 2001


and I am triumphant once again....

Arora001st: what are you doing Fri.?
Jenni the Odd: either a football game or nothing, not sure
Arora001st: well you want to go to a club with amy, ray, and me.
Jenni the Odd: I dunno if I can
Arora001st: but if you could?
Jenni the Odd: I dunno...
Jenni the Odd: clubs really aren't my thing...
Arora001st: ray may bring some friends to, do you have anything against gays?
Jenni the Odd: nah
Jenni the Odd: but I'm not that into clubs. too many people....
Arora001st: well, have you every tryed it?
Arora001st: with fun rambunctous people?
Jenni the Odd: noo...
Jenni the Odd: but. people...
Arora001st: well, how do you know you won't like it?
Arora001st: ok, here's the thing I will zoom in and anialte any reason for not going if I see I flaw in it, just a little warning.
Jenni the Odd poo..
Jenni the Odd: but I don't wanna..
Arora001st: hmmm, *sigh* Jason went with me to Numbers and he kinda liked it, of corse he's a guy who doesn't really dance. soooo.. eh
Jenni the Odd: hmm
Arora001st: you have never been to a club in your life? what about a bar?
Jenni the Odd: no...
Arora001st: a rave?
Jenni the Odd: noo..
Arora001st: a kegger
Jenni the Odd: but... but... loudness... people... crowd...noiseness.... people... noooooo..
Arora001st: college party?
Jenni the Odd: no
Arora001st: out of state party?
Jenni the Odd: no..
Arora001st: uh!!!! Jenni grow wings and fly!!!
Jenni the Odd: noooooooo
Jenni the Odd: *burrows into self*
Arora001st: *chuckle* but Jenni what will happen when you go to college, you can't stay in there forever!
Jenni the Odd: ohhh, but I CAN!
Jenni the Odd: I can hide in my dorm. Or the library.
Jenni the Odd: Or I'll find someplace else
Arora001st: man are you going to be one of those people that their big thrill of the day is you found something on ebay
Arora001st: ?
Jenni the Odd: nah
Jenni the Odd: I don't go on ebay...
Arora001st: ok, just checking!
Arora001st: Y not it's a great place to buy cheap anime!
Jenni the Odd: I dunno
Jenni the Odd: afraid I'll get addicted.
Arora001st: but, but. uhh Jenni I give up it's take a needle the size of andrean's hair to get you to meet people!
Jenni the Odd: bah
Jenni the Odd: I am triumphant. *does a little dance*
Arora001st: grrrr...
  • Current Music
    Utada Hikaru - Hyatochiri

Takin' all kinds of testy goodness... Part I

Extrovert/Introvert test:

Results of the Extroversion/Introversion Test
Extroversion/Introversion Index
Your score = 27

What does your score mean?
You appear to be rather introverted. In general, that means your orientation is towards the inner world of ideas, thoughts, emotions, reflections and impressions. This sphere is also where you draw your energy and motivation from. Introverted people are usually interested in deep, intense relationships among people, issues and things. They are characterized by territoriality. They usually develop a limited number of close, intense friendships and are generally uncomfortable with shallow, short-lived encounters.

Introverted people are usually relatively difficult to approach and it might take a while before one gets to know them. They don't open up easily and some tend to bottle up unexpressed emotions. Many introverts are very concerned with their personal space and need time to themselves.

Testy goodness, part II

The Color test!

Based on my answers, I am most likely a BLUE personality

with maybe a weak secondary color: white
The Blue Personality


Blues Are Motivated By Altruism
Blues love to do nice things for others. They look for opportunities to give up something in order to bring another person happiness. Selflessness, rather than selfishness, is their guiding philosophy. Many Blues are uncomfortable doing things solely for themselves. They hold doors open for people, offer rides when someone's car breaks down, contribute to charities, even devote their entire lives to helping others.

Blues Seek Intimacy
More than anything else, Blues want to love and be loved. A true Blue will sacrifice a successful career to improve an important relationship. Once considered solely a female characteristic, this nurturing is more accurately understood as a Blue personality trait.

Blues Crave Being Understood
Blues are gratified when they are listened to, when they feel understood and appreciated. They are notorious for revealing their inadequacies, because they value being known and understood so much. In the eye of a Blue, being vulnerable is a small price to pay for the chance to connect emotionally. Blues may have their hearts broken more than most people, but they also spend much more time in love.

Blues Need To Be Remembered And Appreciated
With Blues, a simple pat on the back will not suffice. Blues expend such great effort in making the world a better place that sometimes they need to be told how wonderful they are. They need to be thanked and specifically remembered for their good deeds. They need sincere gratitude. They delight in being remembered on birthdays and other special days, especially if the rememberance is personal - a homemade anniversary card, a welcome home party, a special day that isn't on the calender. Blues need tender loving care.

Blues Are Directed By A Strong Moral Conscience
Blues are motivated to behave in a proper, appropriate manner. They have a moral code that guides them in their decision making, their value judgements, even their leisure time. Blues enjoy being "good." Of all the personality colors, Blues come equipped with the strongest sense of integrity. A Blue would rather lose that cheat. Blues are trustworthy. Ethically, Blues are the people who should be in positions of power, but seldom are.

White, secondary color
If you're a Blue-White combination, you are comfortable. You express yourself softly and sincerely. People find you determined, yet flexible. You are someone with whom almost anyone can get along.


Testy Goodness Part III

Results of your Self-Esteem Test
Self-Esteem Index
Your score = 34

What does your score mean?
According to this test, you have relatively low self-esteem. You need to realize that everybody has self-doubts, and everybody fails at some point - it's just part of the human experience. Trouble begins when you take failure so seriously that you anticipate the worst from the future. It becomes a damaging self-fulfilling prophecy: you expect something to happen and thus act in a way that increases the chance of it really happening. The expectation of failure may influence how much effort you are willing to invest and how long you stick it out when faced with challenges. You may very well have the ability and the desire to succeed, but expecting failure can keep you from responding to difficulty with adaptive decision-making and action. Such behavior will increase the likelihood of failure, which in turn confirms what you expected in the first place! It's a vicious circle...but one you can get out of!

Consider doing some serious work on your self-esteem. You can do a lot by yourself with some self-help books. Many titles can be found on the net (search for self-efficacy, self-esteem, or self-help), or at the university or local library. I would recommend structured down-to-earth books that concentrate on learning techniques with explanations and examples. Audiocassettes can also be helpful, but don't expect some kind of subliminal message to do the job for you. If you feel overwhelmed and unsure you can do it on your own, don't hestitate to contact a professional. A good therapist can lead you in the right direction. You'll certainly see the long-term benefits - increased confidence, better relationships, less anxiety and an overall improved sense of wellbeing. You're worth it.

Testy goodness, part IV

Results of Your Anger Test
Anger is a complex and multi-faceted topic. To help you better understand results, we have analyzed your answers from different angles and broken down the results as follows:

General score: a general overview of your response in a variety of situations
general intensity of anger (graphs)
identification of anger management styles (using red and yellow flag system)
Anger by Emotional Load: overview of your response depending on the emotional intensity of the situation
Anger intensity (graphs)
Identification of top anger management styles
Anger by Seriousness of Consequences: overview of your response depending on the repercussions of the situation (long or short-term)
Anger intensity (graphs)
Identification of top anger management styles
As with all of Queendom's tests we finish with some practical tips and advice.

General Intensity of Anger

Overall Score (score = 52)

Angry emotions (score = 52)

Angry behavior (score = 33)

What does your score mean?
Your overall anger level is normal. You get angry in certain situations but don't blow up at every possible occasion. You seem to have found a balance between accepting the occasional flash of temper and not letting yourself get worked up over nothing. You realize that sometimes it's just not worth the headache, and that the feeling will pass if you don't focus on it. This is a healthy, normal approach - suppressing anger can be precarious, but so can letting yourself get swept away by the powerful emotion.

Are you in touch with your emotions?

Some people don't recognize how they are feeling even when it is obvious to those around them. They can't identify the emotional, physiological or behavioral response they are experiencing along with the emotion itself. This is NOT the case for you. When you are angry you are aware of it and understand what you are experiencing. According to this test, you are clearly in touch with your feelings of anger.

How long do you dwell?

The dwelling index provides you with some information on how long you hold on to your feelings of anger. Dwelling in long term situations or situations with a lot of personal importance is to be expected and is, in fact, quite normal. But being unable to get over situations with short-term consequences or one of low personal importance is unhealthy and unconstructive for everybody involved.

Where do you stand?

Congratulations, your score shows that you are a resilient individual. You do not dwell inappropriately and can let go of your anger when the situation does not warrant extended emotional reactions. Whatever the reason for the setback, you bounce back in the due time and move on. Overall, your outlook appears to be healthy!

Your Anger Management Styles
Below, you will find a list of your predominant anger styles in different kinds of situations. The first one on each list is your most common style for that type of scenario.

Overall top styles

Healthy Expresser (score = 83 )
Denier (score = 45 )
Sublimator (score = 50 )

If you see a red flag beside the style, it signals a WARNING; this style is dangerous or harmful for this kind of situation.

Anger by Emotional Load

Anger Intensity

Heavily loaded situations (score = 70)

Moderately loaded situations (score = 55)

Benign situations (score = 30)

Top styles in emotionally loaded situations

A situation with a high emotional charge is one that would be extremely upsetting for most people, one that would incite a strong emotional reaction. An example would be if someone close to you were the victim of a malpractice case that left him or her disabled.

Healthy Expresser (score = 75 )
Denier (score = 67 )
Sublimator (score = 75 )
Transcender (score = 50 )

Top styles in moderately loaded situations
A situation of moderate emotional charge is one that would make most people upset but not to an extreme degree. An example of such a situation is having an argument with someone important to you, or someone breaking a belonging that has special meaning to you.

Healthy Expresser (score = 75 )
Sublimator (score = 50 )
Transcender (score = 50 )

Top styles in benign situations
A situation of low emotional charge is one that would spark feelings of slight anger in most people, but usually nothing more than irritation. An example would be someone making noise behind you at a movie.

Healthy Expresser (score = 100 )
Denier (score = 50 )

Anger by Seriousness of Consequence

Anger Intensity

Situations with long-term consequences
(score = 67)

Situations with short-term consequences
(score = 37)

Top styles in situations with long-term consequences

A situation of long-term importance is, as the name implies, one that has a lasting effect on your life - it damages a relationship, has a serious emotional impact or requires a major change in lifestyle. An example of this would be finding your loved one locked in an embrace with someone else.

Healthy Expresser (score = 100 )
Sublimator (score = 17 )
Transcender (score = 0 )

Top styles in situations with short-term consequences
A situation of short-term importance is one that has no lasting impact on your life - it is only a problem at the moment. An example is someone spilling something on your clean pants.

Healthy Expresser (score = 67)
Denier (score = 60)
Sublimator (score = 83)
Transcender (score = 83)

Advice for Managing Anger
While the way you deal with your personal anger issues depends largely on your predominant styles, there are general healthy ways to cope that apply to most everyone. The following tips provide some guidelines for becoming better at handling feelings of anger when they do arise. There is no way to stop feeling angry at all (save for advanced meditation techniques), but there are ways to turn the emotion into something productive rather than harmful.

Know thy anger. Taking this test was the first step in the right direction. It's important to understand how you tend to react when a situation rubs you the wrong way, and the physical signs that signal the arrival of anger. Pay attention to how you feel, what you think, and what you do when you get angry in different kinds of situations. This awareness will help you pinpoint the things that you could work on as well as the coping skills that seem to work best for you.
Relax. Here are some ways you can calm yourself down when you feel the signs of anger (that, thanks to the tip above, you have learned to recognize). Relaxation is physiologically incompatible with anger - when you relax, the anger will subside.
Deep breathing from the diaphragm
Repetition of calming words. Have certain comforting phrases ready for when anger strikes - instead of thinking, for example, "I hate him", focus on positive things like, "I am very angry with him, but I can deal with this".
Imagery. Visualize something or somewhere that is calming to you. Again, have this prepared beforehand - it probably won't come to you when you're upset.
Practice stretching, yoga, tai chi, or any other physical activity you find calming. Doing it on a regular basis may help you get more "in tune" with yourself, while doing it when upset will help calm both the body and mind.
Go outside and get fresh air. Nature has amazing healing qualities that you should take advantage of.
Do a task that you find comforting (mow the lawn, read a favorite book, do a crossword puzzle, etc).
Change the way you think. This is called cognitive restructuring. Our thoughts and usual reactions are reprogrammable, if we just put in the time and effort to work on them.
Avoid negative words while feeling angry (try not to say never, can't, hate etc).
Try to see the issue from another perspective. Ask yourself, for example, if it will matter to you in a year.
Remind yourself that reacting in anger is not going to fix the situation.
Try to see the positive in the situation - there is always a "bright side", no matter how painful it may be. For example, "I've learnt a lesson from this experience".
Work on your problem solving.
If anger is the result of a problem, then set out to fix it instead of dwelling on the bad feelings!
Handle the issue at hand first and allow yourself the proper amount of time to deal with it. Don't rush through it.
Improve your communication.
Really listen to others; try not to become defensive when you feel you are being criticized. Learn from what others have to say.
Speak simply and clearly; let other people know why you are feeling angry and what would make you feel better. Do this in a constructive - not an attacking - way.
Use humor.Give yourself permission to laugh (at least inwardly), whether it's at the actual angering situation or something else.
Silliness can diffuse both the physical and emotional effects of anger.
Humor provides a time out. It gives you a moment (or two) to reorganize your thoughts and to cool down.
Change your environment. If you can get away from a heated situation for a moment to cool down, you'll probably handle it more calmly. Just don't run away from things that can't be put off!
Leave the room.
Go for a walk.
Ask the person for a moment so you can collect yourself.
Work on your timing.
If now is a bad time to deal with the angering situations, put it off (but not forever!). There is nothing wrong with taking a "time out" and then returning to the issue as long as you are not avoiding important issues altogether. Set a specific time to deal with the problem on hand.
Of course, sometimes it is just better to avoid anger-inducing situations. If you know that you will become angry in a certain situation then, by all means, skip it if you can!


As is probably obvious from the mass quantities of tests I just took, I am BORED.. lessee who's online...

Two people on my buddy lists whose names I know longer remember.. haven't spoken to them in forever...
Online Comic Creators
Three online comic peoples, though Justin is away... seems to be asleep...
People I know IRL
Kristina is online; but I'm never really sure what to say to her, I didn't get to know her very well before she left for college... ._.
Kelsey is on... but idle. She probably went somewhere...
Elfwood Peeps
Couple of people from Elfwood are on... Stanton, and CAT... but I dunno, i never know what to say to them, either.. >_<
Hirsch is on, but it would seem he's talking to Liz on the phone. John is on, but I've neither seen nor spoken to him in forever. Drew is on and he messaged me just now... Alwyn is on, but he can be annoying and I'm not in the mood to deal with him. @_@
Nicole's Friends
Kelly and Kiem are on. I would have thought Kelly was at the party with Nicole. Odd. It seems the band Kiem and his older brother are in is performing tonight, according to his away message. How spiffy!
Andy's Many SNs
Andy is on, but... nah.
Matthew is on. I miss him. I remember when we were very little we'd always say we'd get married someday. He's a cool guy. Loves computers. Total geek, gotta love 'em.
Ziggy's on... He's usually on at night. I never am, anymore.
Mink is on as well, but away doing something. I think she's at the party too.
Wow, Michael's on. He's never on lately. I would message him, but I keep getting the feeling he doesn't want to speak with me. So I'll leave him alone. ._.
Mailing List
Some people from my old mailing lists are on, but I don't wanna RP my muses right now. They've been hiding; I've barely drawn anything in two weeks. That sucks. That sucks huge quantities of ass.

yes, I'm that strange. I categorize people on my buddy list. Helps me remember who's who...
And that's it. @_@ yeesh.


I knew I shouldn't have eaten dinner. @_@

  • Current Music
    the sweet sound of silence. And my cat playing in the cabinets.

*sigh* this is sad...

I write in this journal more often than I speak to actual people... e_e

Sad thing is, I don't really mind that so much, anymore.

A part of me still wants to talk to Michael... hell, ALL of me wants to talk to Michael, but it really would be better if I didn't. I have a tendency to fuck things up something awful. I should probably leave him alone.

Nicole is back... wheee...


I still feel sick. I would throw up again but there's nothing left in my stomach. So all i have is this nauseated feeling and the taste of bile in my mouth that refuses to go away.

And now my computer is being weird. I click, I move the mouse, the click takes place 30 secnds later on the mouses' new location. >_< poo.

Maybe I should talk to Michael. what damage could I do? We're still friends...




aw, fuck. half of that 'right?' accidentally went to Michael. >_< fuck. fuck fuck fuck.