September 8th, 2001


I don't want to go to sleep.

mostly because I know I won't sleep. I'll lie there and doze off every so often only to wake up because I feel nauseous. I already did that for several hours today (yesterday? what day is it now?) and I don't want to do it again. ugh.

at this rate I'm not gonna show at the car wash. I have a fucking headache, too... if i don't feel better by tomorrow around noon or so I'm not going. fuck the band. I feel like crap.

I feel sick.

ugh. Not going to the car wash. I actually slept last night. Or this morning. Whenever. For almost three and a half hours, I think. I had a weird dream...

~dream sequence~
Michael and I were on the bus coming back from a game, and for some reason we were either the only people on the bus, or no one else was nearby, so it seemed like we were. I said something, and Michael started arguing with me. Now, I hate arguing with Michael. He's more stubborn than I am. And for some reason, in my dream, he wouldn't stop arguing some point (I forget what) that anyone would know to be wrong. He started yelling and asking me why I was being so stupid, and I started yelling back. I don't remember the rest of the argument, only that I stormed off the bus calling him an arrogant, closeminded bastard, and as soon as I left, I was promptly run over by a truck and died.
~/dream sequence~

Remind me never to sleep again.
  • Current Music
    the quiet humming of my computer and my stomach making noises at me for not feeding it for a few days. Well, if it's gonna keep being so sicky, it gets NOTHING! you hear me, stomach? NOTHING!


maybe I will be going to the car wash after all. My mom wants me to go. I dunno what time my sister signed me up for, but it's only two hours. I guess I'd better get dressed, then...
  • Current Mood
    sick sick


My stomach feels better, but now my head hurts. I took some advil, and if I feel better, I'll go to the car wash. Nicole signed me up for the 2:30 shift, she thinks.

I woke up around 10 when Nicole needed a ride, rolled over, squinted, told her I felt like crap, and went back to my usual half-asleep state.
After a few hours, I couldn't take just lying there anymore and I ambled downstairs to discover that my mother is having yet another party for the youth group at our church. I responded with something along the lines of "ug", went to the computer for a while, and then returned to my room.

I went back downstairs because sick or no, hummingbirds are always interesting. One was trying to fly through a skylight on the back porch, and Gabriel caught him in a jar and we set him loose. He was incredibly cute. I love hummingbirds; they're so pretty.

I then returned to my bed. Now, usually, I hate being in bed. I don't like sitting or lying still for any extended period of time if I'm not at school where I have to be quiet. I fidget. I wander around. Even at the computer, I wriggle. But today I had no problem with lying there for hours. x_X
After a while, my stomach was feeling better and I took a shower. Put on something more than a long t-shirt. And here I sit, having taken some medication, waiting for it to kick in and take care of this blasted headache.

Ugh. this whole not eating thing sucks. I don't even get hungry anymore. That can't be good.
On the plus side, it would appear I've lost about 20 lbs since the week before school started.
whoop-de-frikkin-do. I feel lousy.

at the car wash.. at the car wash, yeah...

I love car washes. I've done a lot of 'em, and they're always fun.
I showed up and washed, dried, and yelled at passing cars in the wal-mart parking lot for two and a half hours. yay. Actually, aside from the nausea of the first hour or so, it was fun. I did think I was gonna curl up in the corner and die a few times, but I didn't, so it all worked out. huzzah.

But now my headache's back. And my mother's having that blasted party thing. poo. I hide.
  • Current Music
    Nicole and her friend behind me discussing a project


I eat again...
some chili con queso and chips. Not too healthy, I know, but they seem to be staying down quite well. And now I color something in MS Paint whilst I digest

*urp* It stayed down! sorta. @_@ ooog, nauseous. apparently any food is too much. must go lie down now...


I want to be published.
And not in that vague way that anyone who has ever done a pencil sketch wants someone to say "hey, that's cool, lemme put it in a book"...
I want to have my series, at least one of them, out there, with my name on 'em.
I want something people can remember me by.
Hell yeah, I want the tiny and almost frighteningly dedicated fanbase.
Hell yeah, I want the late hours, the lousy pay, and that wonderful feeling you get when you mention your work to someone and they go "never heard of it".
Hell yeah, I wanna be reamed by a publishing company who just wants to sell as much crap as they can wring outta me.

God help me, but I do.
And there might be a way.
Ever heard of Manga EX? It's a compilation, around 95 pages or so, released every two months, featuring work by amateur manga/comic artists. Now, I know I'm not exactly well-known for my self-esteem, particularly when it comes to my artwork... But I've seen three issues of Manga EX. And I can do better. Hell, given the chance, I can wipe the floor with some of these people.
And I want to do it.
My biggest problem is the PG/PG-13 rating limit. SA, and CG3 definitely cross that line, and T-893, Junior Year (need new title), and LC might, which is a shame because they're probably some of the best stuff I've turned out. My only options, really, are my "kiddie" comics:
Heartbreak High
Wings of Fallen Angels
Time Warp
(must... rename...)
Paperclips, Portals to Hell, and Other Tales of High School

Right now, I'm leaning toward HBH. Here's the rough script for the first couple of pages:


Wade Hampton graduates today. He'll step off the plane and be greeted by family and friends. There will be banners and maybe a cake. He will be hugged and congratulated as he goes to the car to head home for one last summer in his hometown before heading off to a prestigious college on a full scholarship.

Or at least, that's how it was supposed to be...


Principal: "Mr. Hampton... I'm afraid with your sons grades as they are, there's no way he can possibly pass this year... Yes, I know... We've sent letters home for weeks but we've had no reply... What? But we send them each week... Something may have interfered with the mail delivery -" *looks up, seeing Wade bringing in the mail* "Yes... I think there might be a glitch in the system. My sincerest apologies, Mr. Hampton, but the situation remains unchanged. He will not pass. I'm afraid we cannot accept him again with his record... You don't know about that, either?" *looks out the window, Wade is walking near other students, no one is too friendly* "He's been in three fights this past semester. Again, we sent letters home, Mr. Hampton. We tried calling, but there was never an answer, or even a machine... Yes, we were surprised when you called, Mr. Hampton... The number is different from the one in our files - is this your normal line? I see... Mr. Hampton, I believe it would be best to arrange a meeting sometime next week. Yes, Thursday will be fine. Two o'clock, I'll send someone to meet you at the airport. Thank you."

Principal: "Mr. Hampton... Your sons teachers are worried about his behavior. He does not complete work, if he does it at all. In class, he is inattentive and distant, and it would appear that he does not get on well with the other boys. He has been cited three times for fighting; but each time the other student instigated the argument and he seemed to put up very little resistance. His behavior is completely changed from when he applied to this school. Is there anything that has happened in the past year...?"
Mr. Hampton: "No."
Principal: *looking at Wade's profile, sees that his mother passed away, but says nothing* "I see... Normally I would suggest counseling, Mr. Hampton, but-"
Mr. Hampton: "He doesn't need counseling. He needs some work ethic, is all. He needs stricter supervision."
Principal: "I thought you might say that. However, I seriously doubt a reform school would be beneficial for your son. There is one other alternative I would like to discuss with you..."

So I'm here. Haruto Bay High School. It's a boarding school, the principal said. I wasn't listening too well. Looks like every other place I've been. Bunch of guys running around, a bunch of teachers, and... girls too? That's weird. A co-ed boarding school...

Aide: "and this will be your room. There's three other guys in here, but I think they're at CS now. They should be back in an hour or so, then you'll get to meet them. There's a phone on the desk, but it only makes calls to the rest of the boys' dormitories - if you wanna call a girlfriend or something, you gotta go out into the lobby. Calling outside the school means you gotta go to the office. You need anything?"
Wade: *shakes his head*
Aide: "Uh, okay. Dinner's in the main dining hall at seven. Bathrooms are right down the hall, but you've got a toilet and sink in here. See ya later, I guess..." *walks out, looking a little unnerved by Wade's silence*
So this is my new home. I guess I can deal with that. I got beat up a lot at my last school. The teachers didn't catch me too often. When they showed up, I used to try to make it look like I was fighting back. But I never tried to win. It didn't matter. Nothing really matters anymore.
*wade lying on his bed, closes his eyes*


TC: "He awake yet?"
Baden: "At least he don't snore."
Angelo: "Wonder what his story is."
Wade: *opens his eyes to see the three leaning over him*
TC: "Mornin', sunshine." ^.^
Baden: *pushes TC out of the way* shaddup, ya fruit, you'll scare him.
TC: *sticks his tongue out at Baden and sits on his bed, the one next to Wades*
Angelo: "Hey kid. Whaddya in for?"
Wade: *simply stares at him*
Angelo: *all three look a litter nervous* "What, ya don't talk? C'mon. Whad'ya do? You don't get sent here for just starin' at people."
TC: "I did..."
Angelo: "You're special." *looks at Wade* "Ya don't look dangerous... What's your story?"
Wade: "What does it matter? I'm here."
Baden: "I get it... you're one of those goth kids... the ones who hate everything and don't talk, and want everyone to die, right?"
*all get a mental image of Wade all gothed up* *sweatdrops all around*
Wade: "No... I don't want anyone else to die."
Baden: e.O "Okay. Well, uh. I'm Baden Clemson. That's Angelo Boros, and that's TC Jester."
Angelo: "Yo."
TC: "Hi!" ^_^
Angelo: "Look, it's almost time for dinner... if ya want, we can show ya around. Y'know, introduce you and stuff."
Wade: "Thanks. But I'm not hungry."
Angelo: "Uh... k... but there's nothing else to eat if you don't go..."
Wade: "Doesn't matter."
Baden: " 'k, dude. Your choice..." *they leave*
I guess I won't get beaten up too much after all.


*ponders some more*
I've got character sketches for most of the main characters. They're a loony, crazy bunch. Loads of fun.