September 12th, 2001



I feel like just being a lump.
Whenever I go through some big shock, my reaction (my only outward reaction, usually) is lots and lots of sitting there and being a lump. I think too much.

No, really, I think too much. This is the reason I don't like movies. This is the reason I will get depressed after putting my characters through hell. I empathize with fictional people. And now, I've got a thousand scenes in my head of what it must have been like... what it's like to go through your last moments knowing full well that the end is near and not being able to do anything about it...
I feel ill again. I think trying to eat was a mistake...

*sigh* I want to go home and be a lump.
But I've got band today.
I can be a mental lump at least.. marching and learning sets no longer requires any sort of effort from my brain.