October 26th, 2001


halloweeeeeeeeeeen pep rally...

I love the Halloween pep rally. It's the only one I really truly like, just because I love the costumes. The people at my school may be snobby and spoiled and shallow, but damn they can come up with some cool costumes.
Nicole is dressed as (if you know her, I bet you figured this out reeeeally fast) your mom! She's just the generic June Cleaver-esque mom. Complete with oven mitts, one of our mother's dresses from the 70s, and an apron. It's frikkin' hilarious. :D
Theory is, I'm her rebellious teenage daughter. (I'm dressed somewhat normally for me... all black, fishnet, chains, etc. 'cept today I also have makeup. Whee!) I'm trying my damndest to convince Michael to be the boyfriend she disapproves of. ^_~ I may just have to sneak up behind him and leave a very dark lipstick-print on his cheek. Buahaha. Michael, I'll be looking for you.
*watches as he runs away screaming*
Oh yes, he will be mine. (yeah, Nicole has made me watch parts of Wayne's World.... hehe)

I got almost NO sleep last night. My sleeping patterns are just odd. I come home, shower, sleep for three or four hours, wake up, stay online or just hang about until about 3 or 4 in the morning, sleep for two more hours, and then go to school. It seems to be working so far. :D

*sigh* On the Michael/Emily front, it appears this will never go away. Their minds work so damned differently I'm starting to be surprised they were ever together at all. e_O
  • Current Music
    my webmastering class is chatting

heehee, and *sigh*, part II

Fun day.
- uniforms came back from being cleaned, so most of my day involved getting those sons-of-bitches organized. We actually got them done! yay! :D
- since I was doing uniforms, I got out of (a) Multimedia (we had a sub anyway, but oh well) and the pep rally. glee!
- for once, I thought I looked pretty decent. ^_^
- kissed Michael on the cheek (heee... ^_^; yeah), and while it probably annoyed/scared/confused the hell out of him... eh, was worth it. How many chances am I gonna get to leave a lipstick print on his face? yuh-huh. Yeah. Quite worth it. Unless he decides never to speak to me again. 9_9 and I have a feeling that he's smarter than that.

now, for *sigh*, part II:

Emily just about threw a fit over Michael today during the pep rally. (we - myself, Emily, and Liz - were in the uniform room) She was pacing back and forth, alternately ranting and acting like she was gonna cry.
She gets irrational when she's pissed. She began by shredding the paper parts of the hangers we had in there, tearing them up and depositing them on the floor. She kept saying "Why won't he talk to me? He wouldn't call me! I didn't do anything! I didn't do anything!". Then came the finger pointing. "He's fucked me over so many times! I didn't do anything!" "If you (pointing at me) hadn't been in the middle all the time... and if you (pointing at Liz) hadn't been there, always 'oh, let's talk this through'... " but I doubt she meant it.
Apparently she and Michael were extremely happy, then things just sort of went "blah". And now she's very happy with Dustin (her new boyfriend; she went so far as to mention marriage. I hope she meant someday in the future and not soon, because I worry about her taste in men...) but that she didn't feel the same with him as she did with Michael. Something about not ever getting over Michael. I can understand that. Damn him, he's impossible to get over. But I love him anyway. Or maybe because of that. I'm not going to think about that too, now, it will confuse me further...
From what I could discern the main problem in her mind is that she didn't do anything, he didn't do anything, I didn't do anything, Liz didn't do anything; he just stopped talking to her and he wouldn't call her. She somehow expected him to call her... Michael can be extremely passive, she said he'd only called her two or three times in three years; she always called him. For comparison, he's called me maybe once for school-related stuff, never to just chat. I still don't understand how she expected him to call her. e.O

But she claims to have nothing to say to him. She just wants to hear what he has to say.

Frankly, I'm afraid this could start another war.

*sigh* (again. I'm not very creative)

Nicole and I toyed with the idea of asking Michael to go see "From Hell" with us. But in the end I just sort of lay on my bed and she wandered around and talked on the phone.
Note to self - see if it's possible to go check out "Blood: the Last Vampire" thing with Kelsey. Mmm, anime .

*sigh* I thought a lot as I lay there on my bed, not really asleep, not really awake. I kept thinking of Emily's face when she was yelling, and Michael's words when he was upset. I remembered when Emily pointed her finger at me and accused this whole mess of being my fault. Some part of my mind figured that she didn't mean it, because she, like most people, can be extremely irrational when pissed off. But a part of me almost hoped she'd stay with that idea. I half-wished she and Michael would decide this whole mess is somehow my fault, and just hate me forever and stop fighting and being upset. I really hate it when the people around me are upset. Maybe that's why I always manage to make them laugh. It's one of the few things I'm good for - I can almost always make someone who is upset chuckle. But I can't really do that anymore. Maybe I'd make a better scapegoat.
This is really getting to me. It's confusing as hell - hearing their different sides of the story is like hearing two different stories; as if they're talking about different people in a different world - and I want to help them but the more I hear, the more it seems like there's absolutely no way to make things all right; because no one knows what the hell "all right" would be. *sigh*

I just realized something... i just took somewhere around the neighborhood of six or so painkillers with some coffee. Hmm. eh. 's just advil. that stuff never does anything anyway...
  • Current Music
    Fight Club is on behind me


A brilliant bolt of lightning descends! SHAZAAM! The oracle has spoken!

The smoke clears to reveal that inside you is a divine being,

DIANA, the Goddess of the Virgin Wild.

You are extremely desirable, but untouchable. As the deity of chastity and virginity, you live by your values. Your sexual desires simmer beneath a firm moral resolve. But you are far from a prude! The natural sensuality that you exude just makes you all the more desirable to your suitors. They know that your bedroom is a shrine, and you won't share it with just anyone. Wherever your journey takes you, you leave a trail of heartbroken men behind. You probably take sex very seriously, and share it only with someone that you love. You truly enjoy the romance of courtship, but you stick to the ideals you've set for yourself. Any guy who doesn't respect your boundaries is ancient history. You truly understand the meaning of love and will not settle for anything less than perfection. For the lucky guy who finds his way to your heart, suddenly the light comes shining down from the heavens. Behold, the skies proclaim, here lies a goddess!
  • Current Mood
    when bored, I take quizzes..

What I'm looking for in a man, according to emode.com

You don't need a doting guy in order to feel satisfied. In fact, although you might prefer a guy who'll occasionally pamper you with gifts or affection, you don't need your ideal man to be a true romantic. (Two famous men who might fit your romance profile are Mark Wahlberg and Jack Nicholson.) Heck, you might even find sappy or romantic acts cheesy rather than desirable. Or perhaps you look at men with a realistic eye and recognize that the passionate, expressive qualities many women crave are rarely found outside the movies. Whether you're romantic or not, your open-minded, practical outlook will significantly increase your chances of meeting Mr. Right!
Love might be a serious game, but it should still be fun. Too much sophistication can kill the romance. But we didn't have to tell you that. It sounds like you always go for the kind of guy who knows how to cut loose and just be himself. Practicality and maturity are respectable qualities, sure, and no man should be completely without them, but they've never been high on your list of important ingredients for an exciting night out. Based on your answers, we think your perfect guy - someone like Jerry Seinfeld or Cuba Gooding Jr., perhaps? - should know how to have a great time without acting too childish or outrageous. Whether he adds a little bit of danger to your life or just has a great sense of humor, your ideal man would still be young enough at heart to let the kid in him emerge.
Love doesn't come cheap, but it doesn't have to be all that expensive, either. It sounds like you're not very concerned about your ideal man's financial situation. Of course, we all dream of living well, but it's a mistake to mix your expectations of love with your hopes for a first-class lifestyle. Based on your answers, it seems like money isn't a real romantic concern for you. On the airplane of love, you're just as happy traveling coach as first class. (Two TV guys who live up to your financial expectations - or lack thereof - are Chandler and Ross from "Friends.") Being detached from materialist concerns is a healthy, realistic attitude and should help make you happy. It means that when Mr. Right crosses your path, you'll be sure to recognize him and not worry about the size of his wallet.
No doubt about it - love is blind. You seem to realize that ruling out potential suitors because they're not drop-dead gorgeous could jeopardize a perfect love match. Good for you! Your good nature and open mind let you look past the surface and see the true person inside before you judge the chemistry between the two of you. Sure, you notice a good-looking guy when you see one (who doesn't?!), and you probably think good looks are a nice bonus. But physical appearance isn't the number one item on your list of important things to look for in a man. Jay Leno? Kramer from "Seinfeld"? You'd date 'em in a second. Not only does this characteristic reflect your sweet nature and genuine desire to find true love, it also means that you'll be more apt to find your ideal guy than someone who shuts the door on every guy who doesn't look like he stepped off a magazine cover.

The Identity Test

Openness To Experience

Your high score in the Openness category means that you probably have a strong creative streak. Your broad intellectual curiosity and your interest in the various arts set you apart. Some people may consider you somewhat of a dreamer, and your taste for variety often means moving quickly on to the next experience. This tendency makes you appear a bit flighty and inconsistent. But these elements of your personality simply reflect a character full of new ideas and charged with emotions.


Your medium score in the Conscientiousness category means that you have achieved a solid balance in your outlook towards responsibility. You are probably somewhat organized, with a little room for improvement. Your priorities probably reflect a mix of work and play. Thoughtfulness characterizes your thinking style, so you give gravity to important decisions without making a big deal out of minor issues. You are probably serious about achieving success, but do not feel completely driven by this motivation. All in all, you've got a very healthy perspective on work and duty.


Your low score in the Extraversion category indicates that your have an introverted social identity. Given the choice, you prefer keeping to yourself. Your independent nature is characterized by a reserved and steady demeanor. You keep to the background, and probably maintain a relatively quiet and inactive social life. Your social style earns you the reputation as somewhat aloof, because you don't care much for company. Your emotional state is quite reserved, and you are seldom known for qualities of exuberance.


The Agreeableness category refers to your social disposition. Your medium score indicates someone who balances the priorities of your own inner voice with the needs of others. You tend to be concerned with the harmony of the group, while maintaining a certain independence. Depending on the situation, you might adopt a stance that defers to the wishes of others, or else assert your own individuality. In this way, you have a great deal of tact, and believe in the situational equality of people. You probably have an approachable and kind personality. People probably admire you for your ability to speak your mind when appropriate.

Negative Emotionality

Negative Emotionality refers to your emotional reactivity. Your medium score means that you're someone who negotiates your emotions depending on your situation. Sometimes you may feel quite sensitive and emotional, while other times you may remain resilient to outside pressures. This quality of adaptation best describes your emotional character. You maintain a rational outlook, which is moderated by feelings. For example, you can sometimes feel sad, stressed, worried or embarrassed under the weight of a situation, but you are able to act quite calm and reserved, without yielding to the stress. Responsive, without being overly reactive, is the best way to describe you

My goodness, I'm posting a lot tonight.

mmm, caffeine and painkillers. Always a fun mix. At this rate, I can survive without sleep or headaches indefinitely...

LJ won't let me log in on the site so I can upload a new icon. Hmm. this is it, for anyone who cares:

drew it with the mouse in Photoshop. wheee. It's me. yeah.

(no subject)

LJ finally let me log in. Whee. Now my other icons are all messed up. I'll fix 'em tomorrow, I guess.

Damn, I wish Michael would get online so at the very least, I could find out whether or not he did call Emily and if so, if there's any change in the situation.
I've gotten so spoiled. I've become used to talking to him... used to him being online for me to talk to.
What the hell am I gonna do when we go away to college and quite possibly never see each other anymore... yeesh. I'm so pathetic.
would help if my social circle was bigger, so I had other people to talk to, but y'know what, I don't fucking like most people I know. Not enough to want to talk to them, anyway. And almost none enough to want to hang out with them. (tis a short list. Kelsey, Michael... yeah, that about covers it. Whoop-dee-doo.) Anyone who reads this thing may notice that my references to people are limited to a scant few - that's why. They are my social circle.

gah. I disgust myself.
  • Current Mood
    anxious anxious