January 8th, 2002



WHY are my legs covered with bruises? Do I really manage to hurt myself that much and not realize it? e.e;;

Or, as I secretly suspect...
Are you people sneaking into my room at night and whapping me with sticks whilst I sleep?
I know it's you! *points a finger in your general direction* Don't try to deny it!
  • Current Mood
    silly silly

(no subject)

There's a Mac vs. PC debate going on behind me.
I don't care.
I hate Mac's layout and interface (yeah, yeah. so what) but I'll probably wind up with one because they tend to be better for graphics, and hell, what else am I gonna do? Eh. I probably won't do graphics for a living, now that I think on it... so I'll just keep the computer I've got until it's considered ancient and obsolete. Because I'm clingy like that.

My mom really thinks it'll be today. Nicole told me not to tell her if I don't see her. Not to get her. I suppose I understand that. Abuelita's breathing is really really shallow - only a few times a minute. So yeah.
I've come to terms with it, for the most part. Michael, I don't suppose I need that hug anymore (I don't suppose he'd give it in any case. pbpbppbpttpbptb.) In many ways, it feels like she's already gone; it's just that someone's always with her. It sounds so horrible to say, but we'll all feel a slight sense of relief when she does pass on. She'll never be in pain again, and she'll be with my abuelo (who, if this photo is to be believed, is a total badass. He's the one holding the baby. ^_^). We'll miss her terribly - I already do, but... yeah.
I ordinarily wouldn't be so moody. But it's mostly the lack of sleep, I think. (running on under two hours at the moment)

And at your funeral... I will sing the requiem...

Yeah, I think Nicole has been handling this whole thing with my abuelita a lot better than I have.
She just stopped me in the hall and asked: "Is she dead yet?"
It sounds kinda bad, but Nicole really can be a very caring person. Sometimes.


Oh for the love of...

Bell's gonna ring soon.
My stomach is achey. Not I-ate-something-weird achey or I'm-stressed-out-now achey, or even I-haven't-eaten-in-a-week achey. Just. Myah. -___-

I am worried.

I am worried about my mother.
The stress of having to keep watch over my abuelita, basically waiting for her to die, making funeral arrangements, it's getting to her. She looks tired, and I don't blame her a bit. We're all tired, but because of how she is, she takes on more than she should. And it's wearing her down.
I am worried about my aunt, Claudina.
She recently found a 'spot', as my mom called it, on her breast. She had a biopsy yesterday. Results pending. I'm just glad my mother told me about this. I understand her desire to protect us, but she has a slight habit of keeping things from us.
I am worried about Tish.
I think of Tish sometimes as less a little sister than a daughter of sorts. I want to let her come live with us, take care of her, hell, keep her sane, and do what her family, apparently, cannot.

And so I will do what I always do when I get worried.
I will retreat
I will hide
I will not eat
I will not sleep
I will not smile

  • Current Mood
    sick, worried. Worried sick? -_-