March 24th, 2002


(no subject)

If you cannot ask me something yourself and feel the need to discover my thoughts or opinions through other people, do not expect an honest or accurate answer, because they are not me. Even if they can tell you what I think, they will not be able to give you the reasons why. If you want to know, ask me yourself. I will not lie to you.
  • Current Music
    Llama - Chasing the Sun


I actually made an attempt to go to bed around four hours ago. But here I am, awake. Tired. Achey.
After the usual three hours of warming up (Yes, I really am that cold-blooded. It takes a good three hours for the tiny little nest I make for myself in my bed to be warmed by my body heat) the muscle cramps hit. This one very annoying muscle in my right foot. I wish I knew the medical term for it - it is across the top of my foot, it is not a muscle I would normally even think about except for the fact that every so often it makes it impossible for me to sleep. Like tonight. The pain itself does not bug me since it is really not too terrible, but the fact that I can neither control it nor even do so much as locate the source irritates me terribly. So I spend a half hour or so gingerly rubbing my foot waiting for it to uncramp long enough for me to walk downstairs without falling over. The walking helps a bit. I remember my mother once said this had something to do with the level of sodium in my body. I think. I dunno. It's all I can remember. So I fetch my water bottle and drink for a bit. Then because I am me, I feel compelled to write a LJ entry about it.
  • Current Mood
    aggravated aggravated

Comp trouble

This is really, really annoying.
Problem #1:
Major lagging, particularly when Photoshop is running. And have you ever tried to color something with a tablet, much less actually draw with one when nothing you do shows up until a good 30 seconds to a minute later? Yeah. I usually watch the monitor to see where my pen is going. But that doesn't work when it freezes every fucking time I move the pen.
Problem #2:
Random freezes and shutting down. I do not know why. Some days it just decides it does not like certain programs.
Problem #3:
Zip drive being a bitch. This would ordinarily not be a problem... except for the fact that I am trying to back up all my old artwork onto these zip disks because this eccentric behavior on the part of my computer is making me very nervous. This is impossible if the computer freezes and shuts down whenever I attempt to access that drive.
Problem #4:
This is really not my computer's fault, I just thought I should mention that my connection is crappy enough that it's not even worth trying to download music.

Possible Cause #1: Lack of memory or disk space
You're kidding, right? This baby just got wiped totally clean, as I believe I have bitched about repeatedly. With a 1.3 GHz processor and 128 MB of RDRAM, there is absolutely no reason why it should not be able to fun Photoshop smoothly, especially since I normally shut down most or all other programs when I am working. There are 60 gigs of hard disk space on this computer - I think about six are being used. Maybe.
Possible Cause #2: Unnecessary programs or downloads clogging things up
I have gone through and uninstalled and deleted everything and anything that is not used often.
Possible Cause #3: Some sort of virus is making the computer do strange things
After repeatedly scanning, defragging, scanning again, defragging again, and then scanning thrice just to be certain... If it is some sort of nasty little program, it's a really damned sneaky one.
Possible Cause #4: Demonic Possession
This is starting to seem most likely.
  • Current Music
    None. Comp doesn't like Winamp right now...

God, I am such a fucking idiot.

Was letting my brother get out at home so he could pick up his guitar before going to some church thing. We were in a hurry. Started to pull out of the garage.
Did not realize brother had not shut the door.
Door fucked up. Majorly fucked up. *sigh*
So we'll have to take it into the shop. It'll take probably up to a week to fix.
Which means I can't give Tish rides, get her out of her house, or get food or anything to her.
I can't give the pervert crew rides either.
Nor for my sister, her friends, my brother, and the five-odd other kids I regularly transport here and there.
I can't run any errands or do anything useful.
I can't look for a job.
For another week.
I always do stupid shit like this. I'm such a fuckup. My parents are being so nice about it. I don't know why the hell I have such nice parents, because I damned well don't deserve it.
Maybe I'll be able to pay them back when/if I ever manage to get a fucking job.

  • Current Mood
    infuriated infuriated

(no subject)

Job: Pushed back at least a week. See previous post.
Physical: I'd forgotten how much I really disliked eating. Ugh.
Mental: Choosing William Blake as the topic for my senior research paper is going pretty damned high on the list of "Stupid Things Jenni Has Done". And it's a LONG list. This guy wrote so fucking much, and I have to analyze him based on it. He was a fascinating person... and all I want to do is get the hell through this fucking paper and get it over with. But that's going to take a long time.
Emotional: I suck. I suck, I suck I suck. Posts saying otherwise will be deleted. Fuck you all. Fuck me. Goddamn it. I will pay someone to come over here and put a bullet in my head. (I said I wouldn't kill myself. I said nothing about letting someone else do it. HAH. Take that.)
Creative: I put up the 'goodbye' page of ML. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Misc: Go away. All of you. I am hiding on a screen name that only two people know, and neither of them will ever message me. HAH. Sweet, blessed silence.
Quiz: Collapse )
  • Current Mood
    *twitch* *scratch* *twitch*