The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain (jenni_the_odd) wrote,
The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain

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And, as always, by the time Nicole is through talking to her friends/boyfriend, the one person I had anything to say to is offline.
And now I have completely forgotten what I was going to say. So I guess it doesn't matter anyway.
Hrm. Now that I think on it, I guess I didn't really have anything important to say.
Yeah. So Nicole has a boyfriend of sorts again. Hrm. I say 'of sorts' because Nicole is the type who is interested in a basically casual relationship. I have never understood the point of those. Maybe I'm too clingy, maybe I'm too obsessive, but to me, they're just not worth the time, effort and emotional commitment to maintain. For some people, they work. Nicole would appear to be one of them. For me, I don't think they ever could. And so regardless of how much fun it might be, after a while I don't want just a 'friend with perks', I don't want just a 'fuck buddy'. I want someone who will love me.
Pfft. yeah, right. Like that'd ever happen. Pfft. Like any of 'em would...
But yeh. Current flame 'o My Sister is David S. I've mentioned him. Sexy sophomore bish? yeh. Him. They're both music junkies, intellectuals, and more than a bit on the weird side. Should be interesting to watch, if nothing else.
Blah. I feel pretty pathetic in the relationship department. And more than a little envious of Nicole. She's always got a horde of guys who would willingly date her and she can afford to be picky. When she needs a hug, there is always someone to hug her. She will have someone to talk to, laugh with, kiss, be silly with, and spend time with.
I... um. I don't even talk to people online anymore. Hrm. My own fault. Also, I don't have the appealing personality. Nor am I cute enough to pull off the stuff she does. People say we look alike, but our faces are quite different. Or maybe it just seems that way because of hair (she highlights hers and always wants to dye it some random color) and the fact that she's more likely to wear makeup than I am. Now that I think on it, our noses are also different (she has my mother's ski-slope nose, mine is pretty straight like my dad's) and my face is a little longer than hers. I'm also half a foot taller, mostly in my legs. Our weight is gradually edging towards being the same, though I suppose proportionally we're alike. Our attitudes are quite different. She will get stressed over school, but most of the time she's absolutely nuts and very random in her humor. When we're both in a silly mood things can get scary. And god forbid Gabriel should be feeling silly also, because that means we don't stop our antics until someone laughs so hard they almost piss themselves. Nicole cannot live without people and is a very social creature. I can never quite understand this; as lately I am only not 'away' on AIM or invisible on ICQ by accident and I've begun trying my damndest to avoid talking at school as well. It gets tiresome. It's also difficult to explain: "I don't necessarily hate you, I just would really like for you to go away and leave me alone" without sounding as bitchy as I know I am. And I swear to god, if people don't stop apologizing for me being antisocial, I will start carrying a knife or something. Grrr.
Heh. I told Nicole that. Then she thanked me for doing something. I told her not to thank me, either - that bugs the hell out of me as well.
"Well then, Jenni, I guess I'll just be a total bitch to you, then! Fuck you!" Then we laughed. But it's true; it's a hell of a lot easier for me to deal with people when they seem to hate me. People who care disturb and frighten me and I'd just as soon not communicate with them most (read: 99%) of the time. I'd just as soon not communicate with anyone 99% of the time, but we'll ignore that for now.
I finished "You Make Me Feel Like A Whore". Hrm. Not too bad. Could be worse. Eh. If I can obtain scanner access tomorrow in school I will attempt to show you.
I still have absolutely no drive to work on any actual comic ever again. Hopefully it will pass. If not, eh. Oh well.
I have three allowed absences this semester before I lose my right to be exempt from finals (the only one I'm worried about not being exempt from is Webmastering simply because I have not done jack shit in that class. I just don't care anymore. It's a shame, too, because unlike in Multi-media, I rather like and respect the teacher and the subject matter. I just... sit there. But the Webmastering final does not scare me.). I wonder if I can just stay home from school one day at random. My mom trusts my judgment of my health enough that if I call down from upstairs that I feel bad enough to not want to go to school, then I am sick and should not be disturbed. I usually attend school even on days when I feel so lousy that I shouldn't, so for me to stay home requires something major.
But I kind of just want to skip a day. It's not like I'd miss anything. Multi-media takes ten minutes to complete a day's work. Webmastering I can catch up on quickly. We never do anything in English anyway, and the Networking curriculum is all online.
... why do I even go to school? Hrm.

... All right, people. Next person who thinks they're so fucking important that they have to message me to tell me they're getting offline for the night despite the fact that there was NO conversation going on previous to that message, goes on my ignore list.
Going to bed/watching a movie/masturbating/eating? Wonderful. Fucking wonderful. But if I wasn't talking to you before, hell, if I haven't posted a message to you in over fifteen minutes, then guess what: odds are great that I DON'T CARE. It does not concern me in any way. After about 10-15 minutes of silence, odds are I have closed the window and moved on. I have the attention span of a house cat and I am easily annoyed.
Come to think of it, why the fuck am I even on AIM. I don't want to talk to anyone. *click* Hrm. Grr.

I feel ill again. I ate entirely too much today. Bit of a bagel (it was getting stale because, like the dumbass I am, I forgot to put it in the freezer. So I cut it up, ate a piece, and then put it in the freezer. blech.), about four chips, and salsa. Damn my salsa addiction. Damn it to hell. This was on top of my cranberry juice for lunch. Almost 350 calories for the day.
I think I'll go do situps. Yes, that will be nice. I don't think I'm going to sleep much tonight. Eh.

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