The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain (jenni_the_odd) wrote,
The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain
jenni_the_odd

  • Music:

you can't seeeeee meeeee... (this is long and pointless. Utterly)

Yes, I am hiding from you all.
Heeehee. I so silly.
I am on a screenname only five people know.
One... I have no idea how.
Two I messaged by accident.
Two I told in a moment of near-social weakness. But they never message me and for that I am thankful. The others are never online anyway.
I revel in my solitude.

My stomach is all queasy-like. Rgh.

...
Why can I suddenly NOT get into the Keenspace Message boards? They messed with em... Damn it. This means finding each and every person in charge of the dropdowns individually and asking to be removed. Through E-Mail.
Grrr. It's not letting me into the members page, either. As the French say, Le Arrrrrgh.
HAH! Got it to work. Go me. Now to... hunt down every dropdown I was in... oh crap. Being a link whore is coming back to bite me in the ass...
*makes one big post... concentric is NOT cooperating*

*sigh* There. Hopefully ML will be taken off the dropdowns.
I grow more and more agitated with every random IM saying "I'm sorry ML died". *twitch* I have been hiding on this SN more and more often. The creative people who talk to me on the other screen name annoy me because they serve as a constant, painful reminder of something that I just can't seem to grasp anymore.
I didn't leave my AIM name or e-mail address on the new main page for a reason. I don't really want to be contacted. Especially not about art, ML in particular. Guess these people got it before. Crap.
As time passes, I am more and more tempted to remove the comments feature from my journal. Sympathy drives me to near-homicidal rage - I really and truly hate it. There simply is no better way to annoy me than to offer sympathy and to care for me. I know that's going to hurt some people and probably piss off some others, but for the most part I've stopped caring about that. They can just be pissed off and hurt because it's better they know now than to have me explode at them at a later point.
I care about other people. I simply cannot stand the thought that they might care about me. It bothers me. It scares me. And so I pull away like mad once I see that they do, which only hurts them further, which hurts me in return because I do not want to cause pain to those I love. Ever.
It would be so much easier and so much better all around if I could just avoid all socialization whatsoever right from the start. It's a bit late for that, but there will be separation eventually anyway when I graduate. And then I start anew.
I am very much looking forward to college. Complete and total emotional solitude. No family. No friends. Just me and possibly my computer.
That will be much better for all concerned, I should think. Either that or I will go completely stark raving mad. Not sure.
Either way it will be interesting, there can be no doubt.

I once more cannot tell if it's DeviantArt or Concentric that's down. Since I can actually view LJ for once, I assume it's DA...

Ugggh.
If I still feel this crappy tomorrow I am asking to stay home from school. Blech. Or today. It became tomorrow while I wasn't looking.
When I was little, I used to ask: "Is today tomorrow yet?"

Well now I'm just babbling.

I just took my temperature. 101.1. Well, that would explain why I am warm despite the fact that I am naturally cold-blooded and normally I would be absolutely freezing right now.

Hrm. I think I shall go to bed. Or try.
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