I just spent the last few hours at my sisters' friends' house, watching Snatch and then bits of Full Metal Jacket.
I could have sworn this is supposed to be the other way around - Isn't the younger sister supposed to tag along with the elder? Why do I always wind up as the third wheel when my sister and her friends get together?
Oh yes, that's right. I have no friends.
Stupid sister and her stupid harem. She's in the fucking ninth grade and she's got about five guys ready to die for her. While we were all watching the movie, she was lying on the bed, and there was a guy curled up on either side of her. She said to me later; "Do you know how wonderful it is to have someone who just wants to cuddle with you? It's so nice..."
No, I don't. Thanks for reminding me. Again.
I would love to be like that with Michael. Or even to just be able to hug him without him getting all tense. Hell, I'd settle for him caring whether I live or die. That'd be enough. And if it wasn't, at least it'd be SOMETHING.
But he doesn't fucking care. He never will. He's nice enough about it, and when I make my presence known, he'll do me the courtesy of pretending I matter for a little while. But when school starts again, it'll be like it always was. He won't need me unless he has a problem. And he doesn't like coming to me with his problems, I guess... He kept apologizing the last time he did.
Dammit - I don't care if he's just dumping on me when he's having trouble. It's something. It makes me think I'm worth something, even if it's only for a little while. But he doesn't need me.... no one does... and no one ever will.