The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain (jenni_the_odd) wrote,
The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain

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What are you still doing here? The movie's over! Go home!

Dun have to be at school 'til 10:00 again. So what do I do? Wake up earlier than normal because yesterday I came home, crashed, and didn't wake up at all. So yeh.
Physical: I'm still tired. Not sure how the fuck that works. Also very not-hungry. Allow me to explain that. Hungry = wanting of food. Not-Hungry = not wanting of food. I feel a wee bit sick to my stomach at the moment, which I am for the most part ignoring. I am also realizing that my knees bang together an awful lot (there's that knock-kneed-ness) and so the inside of my knees are permanently bruised... Which is just weird.
Clothing: Um. I just woke up. T-shirt and underwear. I grabbed my glasses and I always wear my watch (even to bed. I have woken up with watch-prints on my face) but that's it. Cold in here...
Mental: Save for an hour of HTML coding two nights ago, I have avoided actual thought of late. Well, thought of anything I don't normally think about. Is it bad when some of your thoughts are so common that they become reflex actions?
Emotional: Um. Distanced. That whole Michael-following-Emily-around-like-a-puppy-because-they-are-speaking-again-and-apparently-that's-what-they-do-when-they-are-speaking-as-opposed-to-when-they-are-not-which-is-when-Emily-badmouths-him-and/or-they-both-sulk-and/or-Michael-seems-happy-oops-I've-lost-my-train-of-thought... thing (abuse of hyphens award goes tooo...) annoys me because I'm jealous. So really, what else is new? I will assume he's not stupid enough to let her destroy him again and I will resume the position I held for a year or three - avoid/be ignored by them until they blow up at each other. I doubt they have enough time left in the school year for a proper blowout, though. Those usually take a month or so to build up. Now, a one-sided one (Emily) can be sparked in minutes. Those are just entertaining, now that Michael's not getting his heart ripped out every time she does it. Emily's very funny (and very, very scary) when angry. So yeh. There's also that whole "I graduate in two weeks" thing. So mild nostalgia began to set in when I realized - OH WAIT, I'VE WANTED OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL SINCE DAY ONE!
So yeh. No real nostalgia. good riddance to bad rubbish. I will miss Michael terribly, and there is no way around that, but it's not as if I ever had a chance to start with, I suppose. (yes, distanced. I don't doubt I will cry and not eat for a week or something at some point this summer, but screw it, at the moment I am going to look at it objectively - he will never care about me like that, and that's just how it is.) If for some reason I absolutely need to see a familiar face, Alan will be in the same city as I am for college. Over the summer I hope to work full-time and have little or no contact with anyone (what for, anyway? I'm horrible at just 'hanging out' with people because I am not used to it and it makes me very uncomfortable.). Then off to San Antonio to become a recluse.

Test, test?

This amuses me to no end.

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