The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain (jenni_the_odd) wrote,
The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain
jenni_the_odd

Not me.
I probably dreamed of getting married, having kids, the whole white picket fence thing when I was very young. But I don't remember it. My earliest dream (that I can recall) was living somewhere on the outskirts of a city, maybe with a friend, and having a lot of animals. Nowhere was there a husband in the picture. Occasionally I would imagine myself with a daughter (rarely a son, and never more than one child). But I would have no idea what their 'daddy' would be like, or even if they had one. I imagine I got most of that out of my system when Emma was born (at 11, I got to play mommy. You know that smack-in-the-face real life gives new parents when they discover having a baby isn't all Kodak Moment warm fuzzy joy? I got that at 11.) and I used to rock her to sleep babbling incessantly about how I was going to go to college in New York and how she would come and visit me. Pffft. Yeah, that happened. I once had a weird dream that our parents had died and I was taking her to New York to live with me. In the dream I was married to orochimike, for reasons I shall never understand. I wanted to live in New York, basically. I've been there once and I loved it. Peaceful and nice as the country can be, I was raised in a huge city and I go slightly batty even in small towns. I am a city girl. When I say I do not want to be around people, most of the time I mean I do not want to have to specifically interact. Being on a crowded sidewalk or in a bustling store is fine. Being in a room full of people I know where there is a good chance I will be spoken to can cause near-anxiety attacks.

But I never had any plans for a wedding that I can remember. I always figured I'd be dead long before I got the chance to marry anyone. Hell, I had, and still have, trouble imagining myself dating. Kevin and I have gone to a movie together, which I suppose counts as a 'date'... and we went on what I guess could be interpreted as a 'double-date' (though I prefer the term 'small mob' for any group of three to twenty-five) with Tish and John.
Most of it is, I think, that I would not wish myself upon any poor sap for longer than a few hours, much less their whole life. I also tend to want to be a private person - I go home and I keep to myself. I'll share my thoughts with any stranger on the 'net, but I live alone and socialize little for a reason. Sometimes I think I'd freak out if I lived with someone in close proximity for very long....
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