The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain (jenni_the_odd) wrote,
The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain
jenni_the_odd

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This is intended as blunt opinon, not angst. If you feel the need to read it as angst, skip this.

"It makes me so angry, that she gets everything and throws it all away." I think Greg, speaking to Tish about me.
"You can't be mad at her, she didn't ask for it it was given to her. You can't be angry, but you can be sad. Because it is tragic, and a terrible terrible waste." from Greg's profile
"I can only apologize so much for the fact that my dad moved to America and WORKED HIS FUCKING ASS OFF EVERY DAY OF HIS LIFE to earn every penny he's ever had. I can only apologize so often for not having a job because 'my parents pay for it all' even though no one's hiring."
"I mentioned that earlier."
"I never let anyone come over, even when there was an opportunity, because once they saw where I lived, I was no longer "Jenni", I was "the rich bitch". And any and all emotions or opinions I had became invalid."
Me, to Tish.

Yeah, it pisses me off, too. I shouldn't get it. I really shouldn't. I have no use for it. No need for it. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to have a car, or go to college. I want to convince my parents to help send Tish to college, but I don't know that I'll be able to. They've got three other kids to raise. My dad's already 62, did you know that? He'll be 73 by the time Emma heads off to college.
College isn't for me. It's for people with ambition. Who want to do something with their lives. People like Tish and Greg. You hate that I throw it away, but I'd only be wasting it. Better not to waste the time and money. Dead-end retail job with no future? Yeah, that's the only thing I can really see myself doing. I've got no marketable skills, and frankly, I have difficulty convincing myself to continue to exist.
I hate the fact that I'm taken care of and I can only sit here and watch
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<b>"It makes me so angry, that she gets everything and throws it all away."</b> I think Greg, speaking to Tish about me.
<b>"You can't be mad at her, she didn't ask for it it was given to her. You can't be angry, but you can be sad. Because it is tragic, and a terrible terrible waste."</b> from Greg's profile
<b>"I can only apologize so much for the fact that my dad moved to America and WORKED HIS FUCKING ASS OFF EVERY DAY OF HIS LIFE to earn every penny he's ever had. I can only apologize so often for not having a job because 'my parents pay for it all' even though no one's hiring."
"I mentioned that earlier."
"I never let anyone come over, even when there was an opportunity, because once they saw where I lived, I was no longer "Jenni", I was "the rich bitch". And any and all emotions or opinions I had became invalid."</b> Me, to Tish.

Yeah, it pisses me off, too. I shouldn't get it. I really shouldn't. I have no use for it. No need for it. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to have a car, or go to college. I want to convince my parents to help send Tish to college, but I don't know that I'll be able to. They've got three other kids to raise. My dad's already 62, did you know that? He'll be 73 by the time Emma heads off to college.
College isn't for me. It's for people with ambition. Who want to do something with their lives. People like Tish and Greg. You hate that I throw it away, but I'd only be wasting it. Better not to waste the time and money. Dead-end retail job with no future? Yeah, that's the only thing I can really see myself doing. I've got no marketable skills, and frankly, I have difficulty convincing myself to continue to exist.
I <b>hate</b> the fact that I'm taken care of and I can only sit here and watch <a href="http://livejournal.com/users/jenni_the_odd/friends"</a>the people I love</a> barely scrape by and sometimes not make it at all. And I can't do anything for them because what I have isn't even mine to give away. It belongs to my parents.
<b>"Someone who should have killed herself but never got the guts."</b> Something in Greg's profile. Yeah. That'd be me.
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