The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain (jenni_the_odd) wrote,
The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain
jenni_the_odd

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Reading this, I wondered - do I post fewer introspective, personal entries now than I did when I first got this LJ (way back in the summer of 2001)?
The answer is probably 'no' - mostly because the vast majority of my entries for the first year or so were absolute fluff. Very chirpy and teenager-y, and full of anime emoticons like ^_^ that had a disturbing habit of looking very similar to my actual expressions. Those diminished as I entered my Angstbucket period (Phase I: Inexplicable Angst and Whining), at which time I pretty much stopped moving my face. Come to think of it, I am fairly certain that there are a couple of band people in Nicole's class who have never seen me smile...
Then came what is now the biggest problem with comparing my personal postings along a timeline - I stopped making the angstposts public (and started using filters). There were times when they were on entirely different journals on several journal sites, most of which are now deleted. For some time now, this journal has been where I deposit my positive thoughts. The sometimes extreme dichotomy between my public posts here and my non-happy writings has actually led one person to suspect that I have multiple personalities (I don't), and several others to suggest I seek some sort of mental help (I won't). I don't think it's such a bad thing, and I rather like being able to take a look at my thoughts or actions and go "now, is this something that should be construed as a good, bad, happy, sad, or random thing?" and categorize it as such. Categories make me happy.
Anyway, around the time I graduation approached, I'd mellowed out a bit and by the time I met Kevin I was either on or fast approaching a major positive spike in the Big Invisible Graph of my mood swings. Needless to say, spikes are not good because there is always that inevitable crash, which resulted in Angst Phase II: Bitter, Hopeless, and Boring. I think I am still currently there, though it's often difficult to tell at any one time where one is on that Big Invisible Graph.

... so, er, in summary, I do write just as many personal and introspective entries now as I used to, they're just not always public. And as you can see, I am still very, very long-winded.
I write fewer entries overall because my life is very dull - I go to work, I come home, I wander about (run any errands mom has for me, play with the puppy, goof off, etc.), and then I go to bed. I'm not at all displeased by this, though my family seems to think it wrong that I don't want to go out and do things like see movies or go to Galveston. I actually get the feeling Nicole might be rather angry with me, as I really, really do not want to drive her and her friends to Galveston and hang about like a... *counts fingers* seventh wheel while they do whatever it is they enjoy doing, then drive them home again. I think our mother should let her go on her own - she may be a bit crazy behind the wheel sometimes, but she's not stupid.

I've been reading a bit again, which is nice. High school very much killed my love of reading, which has always made me a little sad - both because I like reading and it used to be such a big part of my life, and because high school really ought do the opposite. Not sure whether it was the school's fault or my own, though. I probably ought to head to the library sometime soon in search of more reading material.

Zee job is enjoyable, Boss-Lady (named Debbie) is very nice. She runs a pest control company with her husband (who does the actual spraying of people's homes), and there are a few other people who work for them. The only one I've met is Stuart, who is all kinds of wacky - always a plus. I mostly answer phones, make appointments, print out things, arrange paperwork, and try not to mess things up too much. The computers spontaneously decided to hate us today, and so now we're missing about five invoices that vanished into nowhere and it's assigning credit to people who haven't been given any. Perhaps an exorcism tomorrow will help.
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