Doctor: Have you had a period?
Me: *thinks: Itisbadandstupidtolietoyourdoctorevenifi
Doctor: Well, we'll give you something to give you one. And let me just warn you, it will be... unpleasant.
Me: I think I hate you.
You see, I sometimes suspect that doctors and dentists are required, before graduation from doctor-or-dentist school, to take a class in "How to Lie to People With A Straight Face". There, they practice saying "This won't hurt a bit" and "You may feel some slight discomfort" and "You'll not feel a thing!" over and over again before hitting someone in the face with a sack full of nails and broken glass. They pass the course when they can utter these lines without giggling, cringing, or otherwise giving away the fact that the person they are speaking to should really try to hold their breath until they are unconscious if they wish to go through with the next few minutes untraumatized.
This is why when the doctor tells me that something will be unpleasant, I get that little quivery there-is-a-dinosaur-stomping-around-maki
This topped with a very, very abrupt mood shift* and the two tests and two quizzes I have tomorrow leads me to believe that this week is not going to be a happy one.
Man, my mother has the worst sense of timing in the world. Three days of finally getting my diet right, and she decides I need a lecture on how, when, and what to eat. After a month when I finally stopped thinking about killing myself all the time after two years of doing so, she told me she thought I was depressed. After a week of not spending anything, she gives me a talk about being careful with money. I'd be fine with it if she was just oblivious. That'd be okay. It's the delayed observations that get on every nerve I have.
*One day I will set up a webcam and then we shall actually see one of these mood shifts. I start out smiling, laughing, and singing, and within an hour I am irritated with everything and trying to cut myself. I bet if we sped it up, I would do the following in an extremely comical fashion:
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