The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain (jenni_the_odd) wrote,
The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain

Letters to people (and occasional animals) I encountered today:

Dear Guy Working At Cingular Store: I'm sorry you were having a bad day when it was only 9 AM. It's never good when a day has already established itself as not-good before it even approaches noon. I hope your day gets better. Also, thank you for being able to give me directions to the camera store, despite 'helping my clueless ass navigate around the shopping center' not being in your job description. :D

Dear Girl Working At Sephora: Yeeesh, arm in a sling AND splint on your finger? Owch. At least the Starbucks baristas are nice enough to slip you free sympathy food. I would apologize for almost laughing when your coworker handed you the gift certificate box thing and you had to call her back because you couldn't open it, but you were both laughing, too, so I hope it is okay. And by the time your arm is better, you will probably be like a one-armed ninja when it comes to doing things one-handed.

Dear BelleButterdog: Your butt is not a weapon. Why, then, do you feel the need to smack me with it every time you turn around? WHY ALWAYS THE BUTT. And why does it never stop being funny?

Dear Nicole Nikki Elmer Eldest Younger Sister: I am going to need at least a year to remember this name change. I adapted well to the shift from 'Nikki' to 'Nicole', but I was young then. Now I am old and my brain cells are finicky. You need to understand that I am going to wind up calling you 'Nicola', which is a bastard combination of 'Nicole' and 'Lola' and sounds more like a terrible soft drink than a name. I apologize in advance.
Also, the house will seem disturbingly empty without you and your merry men disciples friends swarming it like so many oddly-dancing, laughing... swarming... things...

Dear Gabe: I am going to set fire to your drum set. Maybe not now, maybe not even tomorrow. But some beautiful, beautiful day...I mean, hello. How are you? Great, great. You have fun now. *cackle*

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