And being able to talk about ANYTHING is a million times worse than being assigned a crappy topic, let me tell you.
Alex is helping me come up with this, which may wind up being a handout of sorts:
Speech Topics I Vetoed, And Why
Topic 1: T-Rex Wrestling as the Ultimate Career
Vetoed due to time constraints.
Topic 2: Biography of Heiner Mueller, German Post-Modern Dramatist
Vetoed due to an inability to say "Mueller" in anything but a Ben Stein voice after seeing the name written. Also, insistence on calling him "Heiney" not well received among scholars.
Topic 3: Evil Dead The Musical in Five Minutes
Vetoed due to a relentless case of the giggles and a persistent, driving need to include the Thriller dance.
Topic 4: Strange Internet Links* My Pet Canadian** Has Sent Me
Vetoed due to the fact that because said pet Canadian has not had his shots, cannot bring him as a visual aid. And trust me, you don't want any other relevant item as a visual aid in this one. Just... just trust me.
Topic 5: Topic Two, as Told Via Interpretive Dance
Vetoed due to interference by that last remaining shred of dignity.
Topic 6: A Brief History of Time
Vetoed due to licensing issues.
Topic 7: A Freudian Reading of Peanuts
Vetoed due to thoroughly creeping myself out. Seriously, Linus? Ten degrees of messed up, there.
Topic 8: An Encyclopedic Listing of Citrus Fruits, in Limerick Form
Vetoed due to inability to rhyme "orange." Or "kumquat." Or "lime."
... I am not so good at poetry.
*Not work, home, brain, or soul safe.