The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain (jenni_the_odd) wrote,
The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain
jenni_the_odd

Microsoft Word is pissing me right off. It won't let me save; every time I try, the program crashes. Anything I manage to write has to be copied and pasted into LJ as a private entry if I want to save it.
Now Notepad is doing the same thing. Clearly, my computer is telling me to stop writing.

My grandmother has a broken pelvis, a pinched nerve in her back, and a slipped vertebrae. She can't sit up. She's at home, now (Medicare would only cover a few days in the hospital), so we're all taking shifts caring for her while my mom looks for full-time nursing care or a nursing home for her. It's... frustrating. We've done this before, with my abuelita and our neighbor, and I know how this goes. My grandmother is otherwise healthy--remarkably so, for an 80+ year-old--and could very well survive this and live for years. But the confusion associated with dementia is setting in, and it's all downhill from here. It's stress and pre-grief and exhaustion and worry that will live as long as she does. We're all so thankful my mom is healthy now, or at least light years away from where she was last year. She's strong enough to be able to take charge here, which she has done and will need to continue doing. But it's going to be kind of hellish for quite possibly a long, long while.

I've had more job offers in the past three months than in the past three years combined (not that it's a lot, or even necessarily a double-digit number, but still...). But none of them were an option, because they all conflicted with my school schedule to a degree where there could not be any compromise.
I am seriously considering just dropping out of the program and giving up on the MLA in favor of full-time employment. I don't know what I'm doing in this program. If I do stick with the degree, then what? My mom's started telling people I'm getting a PhD, but I don't know. And if I did, in what? English? Creative Writing/Literature? And then what, I teach? I don't want to teach, I've never wanted to teach. I don't know what the hell I'm doing; how on earth could I tell other people how to do it?
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