The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain (jenni_the_odd) wrote,
The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain

Glee: The Sue Sylvester Shuffle (Or: the only reason I turned on my TV on Superbowl Sunday)

You know, it's the weirdest thing. Probably only five or six people read these, and I know no fewer than three or four wish to god they never had to hear anything about Glee, ever, but I still feel... almost guilty if I don't write up this recap. Or maybe that's just my desperate need for attention talking.

Okay, now it's that time again. Time for a Glee recap!

  • Ugh, Katy Perry. Not even fire and bike stunts can distract from my dislike of her. She is like a less interesting Lady Gaga (and I say that as someone who's not even a big Lady Gaga fan). When she criticized Gaga for the imagery in "Alejandro," saying that there was no reason to resort to blasphemy or something of the sort, all I could think was "Ms. Perry, you shot whipped cream out of nipple-mounted bra cannons at Snoop Dogg, who, to his eternal credit, seemed almost embarrassed to have made the life decisions that resulted in his participating in such nonsense. You are in absolutely no position to tell anyone what's proper."
  • Nipples on fire: Always the go-to for high school cheerleading routines, I'm sure.
  • I can't be the only person who secretly wishes that the chicken cutlets (which is, I believe, what the silicone falsies are generally called) were actual raw chicken cutlets.
  • "Slap yourself with a chicken cutlet." Now that, friends, is comedy.
  • Karofsky, please feel free to die in all the fires.
  • Please tell me that was a flash of realization in Finn's eyes when Karofsky charged him for the "you never seem to have a girlfriend" crack. Sigh. It was probably just that he saw a shiny sign.
  • Someone in the stands has a sign that says "Artie Rolls." <3
  • "Maybe you'll think it's cooler when I go all Tik Tok on your FACE." Puck, witty rejoinders are not your forte.
  • R-raccoon hormones? D:
  • Oh god, the tattoo. OH GOD HER FACE.
  • That's the inspiration she needs? She's already got confetti cannons. She's used them to taunt Will before.
  • Catastrophic success is the only kind Sue knows.
  • Artie hasn't been slushied? Maybe not by that guy. I could have sworn he'd been slushied at some point, before.
  • "You aren't gonna try and kiss me again, are you?" Poor Beiste.
  • Shuester, you and your cardigans are not really the go-to authority on what's 'cool'. Sorry.
  • Until Tuesday finds a saddlebag full of buckwheat... oh, Beiste. I heart you.
  • Augh this song. Couldn't turn on the damn radio for a while without hearing it, sometimes on multiple stations (not unlike Train's "Hey Soul Sister").
  • But aww, Beiste mouthing the words and one of the background meatheads getting into it. I hope we get to see Beiste sing at some point.
  • Hahahahah YES PUCK DESTROY THEM WITH THE GUITAR. I am not at all helpful. :D
  • Finn seems justifiably distrustful of Puck's promise to never do anything like that again.
  • Oh, no. Brit-Brit gonna die. :(
  • Much like the tiny Brittany doll in an earlier episode, why does Sue have a full-sized Brittany dummy?
  • I find it so bizarre that Quinn would go to Shue rather than directly to Figgins.
  • Sue's rage both somewhat frightens and utterly delights me. Also, Will's shell-shocked stare. "That's a lawsuit."
  • Hahaha, I like to think Sue's just been rampaging around the school since she left Figgins' office.
  • When has Sue ever played nice?
  • For once, Shue has a decent idea. Putting together a show like that can be a very unifying experience.
  • ... I want to go to zombie camp. :( Which sounds like either the most fun ever, or a horrifying horror flick
  • While it's not on the Hulu commercial breaks, I did watch this when it aired and saw the full-length Chevy commercial. I liked it, except for the fact that Rachel's end comment was the first thing that popped into my mind--it was the reason Shue didn't go to the first competition with them last year, hello-- and it seemed to go on about a verse or one chorus repetition too long. Jingles, even beautifully-choreographed and meticulously produced jingles, should be on the short side. Also, Brittany's line, as always, is golden.
  • Pffft, Rachel, you call that zombie-ing? I can out-shuffle you any day.
  • Bahahaha, Mike. Harry Shum Jr. does absolutely beautiful physical comedy.
  • Oh god, please don't let Karofsky join glee club. Please no. Just let him die in a few fires, with the dozens and dozens of men's magazines under his bed outing him posthumously. Sorry, show, I cannot bring myself to support the character who is a COMPLETE ASSBUCKET. HE MADE KURT SAD. THERE WILL NEVER BE FORGIVENESS.
  • "It's already hard enough not to kick you in the nuts every time I see you." I'm with Finn.
  • "Zombie Double Rainbow" is the name of my future band.
  • Scratch that, "2PM Ninja Poops" is my future band name.
  • The handwritten note from the cannon. Hee!
  • "This whole school is about labels!" She has a point, Finn. WMHS is obsessed with this sort of shit. I know I was mega-oblivious in high school, but I do NOT remember that kind of social stratification. Then again, I think I interacted with maybe three or four people not in band or Anime club, so I might not have noticed.
  • "This is kind of hot, actually." I love Quinn. I want to be friends with Quinn. Quinn would understand my Finn/Puck fanfiction. Would that pairing be called "Fuck"?
  • "Really, guys? Really." She's not annoyed that they're fighting, she's annoyed because that 'fight' consists of itty-bitty shoves back and forth. Hee.
  • Have not heard this song before, but I really like it. Also, zombies! <3
  • I love that they then just roll down the halls in full zombie getup. I would do that. Hell, I wouldn't even need a reason.
  • Hahaha, hockey mullets.
  • "-and carry a big stick!" Overcompensating, much.
  • Oh please, please don't let Beiste cave.
  • Really, meatheads? You're ALL going with the asshole? Not a ONE of you is capable of saying "fuck your societal expectations, I'ma DANCE!"? Sigh.
  • You guys, Harry Freakin' Potter (that is what I call Darren Criss in my head. Can't help it. Re-watched A Very Potter Musical 1 and 2 recently) is singing Destiny's child and dancing on a sofa while prep school boys dance in slow-mo. I love this show so much.
  • Huh, so Kurt doesn't board at Dalton, then. Guess that "Baby, It's Cold Outside" scene from the last episode was during a study break or something?
  • I'm with Harry Freakin' Potter on this one, Kurt. Warm milk is grosssss. Hopes of lady-chats, though, that's kind of cute.
  • "Let it go, Rachel." THANK YOU, KURT.
  • Is... is that coffee shop called "The Lima Bean"? HEE.
  • "Well. Blaine loves football. I love scarves." <3
  • Thank you, Beiste, for not caving. I respect you so hard.
  • Hahahaha, Finn's reaction to Rachel's announcement.
  • "I'm gonna bring the PAIN." I love Lauren so. fucking. much.
  • Sue, please never quote the Black Eyed Peas again.
  • Hahaha, the cannon's life story. "And the momma cannon has fibromyalgia, so she can't work." Sue could probably tell you all about the cannon's childhood.
  • "How many 'm's are there in the letter 'r'?" Oh, Brit-Brit. You gonna die. :(
  • The happy bubbly Glee theme while the girls slo-mo stride onto the field is perfect.
  • Oh god, Rachel is so tiny. She's gonna die. :(
  • "Punch and Judy!" "Who's Judy?" Rachel's last words.
  • Wait, they didn't bother to teach the girls the basics of football at any time between their decision to join the team and the start of the game? Really?
  • "You're gonna die."I LOVE LAUREN.
  • Are they really that shocked that this isn't a winning strategy? Sure, you've got enough bodies on the field, but a third of them are useless (that'd be the three girls not counting Lauren, who is, as I believe has been mentioned, bringing the pain). You'd think they'd at least tell the girls to cling like monkeys to the other team's backs or something.
  • Mercedes' helmet appears to be bedazzled, and Rachel's has gold stars on it. Hee!
  • WHY ARE YOU TURNING HER OVER. If her back is hurt, that is a huge no-no. WHY.
  • "Did we win?" Oh, Tina, honey.
  • "I'm gonna die." "It'll be worth it." Hush, Santana.
  • "It's blood in, blood out." I believe this.
  • "Sucks for you." Attagirl, Brit-Brit.
  • Puck managed an inspirational speech. I am impressed.
  • Okay, y'all, not gonna lie, when I heard Glee was doing "Thriller," I was worried. I fucking love "Thriller." It was the first music video I can remember seeing, which may be why I have such unreasonably high standards for music videos to this day. But seriously? "Thriller", with Artie on vocals (thank god not Finn, bless Cory Monteith's little heart, but he is NOT the best singer on the show by any stretch), The Yeah Yeah Yeah's "Heads Will Roll," which I also love, PLUS full zombie makeup, PLUS color-coordinated outfits, PLUS a goddamn marching band on top of a glorious but not-too-cheesy "let's all work together and save the day" moment? It's like Glee decided to shove everything I could ever want into a single performance and it makes me SO VERY HAPPY. For this bit alone, this may be my favorite Glee episode ever.
  • I love the zombie football players. Love them so much. SO MUCH.
  • "One of those zombies bit me!" HAH.
  • One of the signs reads "#22 IS A NINJA." Mike is #22. I think the sign-maker misspelled "Glorious Dancing Adonis."
  • "Brains... Brains... BRAINS... BRAINS... BRAINS..." Goddammit, why weren't there any football games like this when I was in high school?
  • I saw someone complaining that it wasn't Nationals that she missed out on, it was Regionals. But if the Cheerios never make it to Regionals, they cannot possibly go to Nationals.
  • "I've been drinking a lot of bleach."
  • Okay, I'm on his side, and even I want to slap the smirk off Will's face.
  • "I hate you, Dianne Sawyer." Hee.
  • Wait, is... is this not a dream sequence?" Is this for real?
  • "Glee club's gonna be cool and we're all gonna sing hippie peace songs every morning?" "Maybe? I dunno!" Oh, Finn. He might actually have thought that. Bless his tiny brain in its adorable casing.
  • Quinn always looks so cute in non-Cheerios uniform. Whoever dresses her does a very good job (I'm sure it helps that Dianna Agron is one of the prettiest women alive); I can't wait to see what Brittany and Santana dress like without the Cheerios uniforms.
  • NO NO NO NO QUINN NO oh dammit. They never listen to me. :(
  • And Finn is more or less frozen in that position for two days from shock.
  • I love this episode so hard. I really do. I want to just replay that halftime show over and over again from different angles for hours. I really, really hope there's an extended version of it on the DVD. PLEASE, GLEE-MAKERS. PLEASE.
  • The only thing missing is that when I saw the title was "The Sue Sylvester Shuffle," I hoped to witness the creation of a dance by the same name. No such luck.

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  • Tags: glee

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