The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain (jenni_the_odd) wrote,
The Dark-Eyed Mistress of Sweet, Sweet Pain

More Glee! Aren't you happy.

I am aware this is months behind, but I feel that now that Valentine's is safely behind us, I can take a non-grumpy and unbiased look at this episode of Glee. Usually I watch the episodes twice*, but I forgot to go over this one a second time, so here's my initial and only reactions to Heart.
  • Wait, Regionals is in a week and they haven't raised the money or picked a set list or oh whatever forget it.
  • "We will serenade each classroom--" "NO!" Will, do you not learn? No one likes the glee club. No one. It's one of the Rules of the Glee Universe that the writers have established to try and keep the characters in the "underdog" category.
  • "I can't take that..." "TAKE IT." LISTEN TO KURT.
  • Rachel, honey, that's not a drumroll.
  • "No single people allowed. They're sad and boring, and they don't exist in my world." Well fuck you too, Sugar.
  • Who hasn't dreamt about ice-fishing with Tony Danza? I mean, come on.
  • Hiram has a list of prepared reasons why they should not wed. I approve.
  • Teen Jesus has the loveliest eyes. Also, face. Sam, you may have been replaced as Prettiest Princess.
  • "We aren't all just door-to-door Bible salesmen, like my dad." Hee.
  • Gorilla Gram? Okay, I approve of this. Apes make Valentine's better.
  • "Do you people just... carry those around?"
  • And now, Tina and Mike are sickeningly precious. Awww.
  • Love Tina's shoes; I think those are Fluevogs, yeah? Nice.
  • Also Mike's cap and suspenders. And vest. Can he dress like this forever?
  • A real puppy. Dude, you don't just GIVE people live animals. Well, I guess you could probably safely give Sugar a puppy, she's rich and gets whatever she wants, so she can find someone to take care of it. But still, it bugs me when people give other people animals as gifts.
  • Awwww, a playlist.
  • "On Top of Spaghetti" and "Pac-man Fever" were on that playlist. Hee.
  • "PDA simply has no place in the sacred halls of McKinley High" Um, everyone else kisses all the time.
  • "I'd much rather see you two kiss than that so-called 'Finnchel'." Um, that's... good? I guess? Ew. :\
  • So they're officially together, then. Cool.
  • "Finally"? I'm not sure that's the word.
  • Finn is now imagining Kurt in a bridesmaid's dress. Not usually his style.
  • Sugar's style is kind of growing on me. She's adorable, even if her outfits perplex me sometimes.
  • Hahaha, they replaced "Travvy" with "Trouty." I approve.
  • Never a huge fan of this song, but this is cute.
  • Again, the gospel choir. Do they live in the auditorium or something? Why are they always there?
  • Okay, writers, you don't get to have everyone grooving along to the public performances, yet still have "everyone hates the glee kids" as a plot point. You just don't. A little consistency, that's all I ask.
  • Just gonna guess, is the secret admirer Sebastian? Please say no. Or are we getting a new gay boy (or straight girl with completely non-functional gaydar) on the show?
  • I can't even be sad about hearing Rory won't be back next season, they've barely used him and he didn't really stand up much. He's handling this song much better than he did the last couple they gave him.
  • "I feel worse for you than I do for Artie." Ah, sympathy dates.
  • "The three of us are in glee club, so we sing to gay people all the time."
  • "My guess is Simon, because that name's the gayest." Is it?
  • Not anyone? So Shane's out, too, then? Well, that's one way to end this rather boring love triangle.
  • Ah, the classic sad love song. This was done before Whitney Houston died, I believe. Fun fact, I got a 99% on this song on Karaoke Revolution. It is my greatest accomplishment.
  • Aww, Shane. :( Props to the writers for having a big tough football player not be ashamed to cry or show emotion, though.
  • Mercedes gets the best dresses. <3
  • While I never felt too strongly about Shane, I am sad to see this Sam/Mercedes thing die, because how often do you see a conventionally attractive All-American blond-haired, blue-eyed white boy actively romantically persuing a fat woman of color without shame or a desire for secrecy? The answer is "once, on Glee."
  • Poor Sam. And Mercedes. :(
  • Of course the Berrys sit around singing and playing the piano. No other sort of family could have produced Rachel.
  • "How come we never do this?" I would pay good money to see the Hummel-Hudsons sing and dance. Not gonna lie.
  • Nightly tradition. Of course.
  • "I said LeRoy, this guy sold us the wrong lube! That's why the rubber is squeaking, that's why it feels so weird when we go really fast..." OH, MY.
  • Cars. Right.
  • Husky? really?
  • "Never go to bed... without moisturizing." Okay then.
  • "And then we're going to commence with the teenage lovemaking." ...
  • Wow, that is so awkward. That... that would effectively kill any sex drive on my part.
  • ... Or is it the creepiest/sneakiest way to split them up, ever? "Here, kids, Finn, why don't you see how high-maintenance Rachel really is, and you go ahead and remind yourselves of the fact that you both poop."
  • "What do you think it's going to be like in New York?" Finn's got a point, Rachel. NYC apartments are TEENSY. You'll be on top of each other all the time, and please remember that this is a boy who learned JUST LAST EPISODE that he needed to wash his man-parts.
  • Oh, sneaky dads. I think I love you.
  • I actually approve of Kurt's shiny blazer.
  • And now we get to see the softer side of Dave.
  • Aaaaand shot down. Come on, Dave, you had to sort of see this coming.
  • Uh-oh. That dude has the smarmy jock voice down pat. That's worrisome.
  • "It's 7:15." Hahahaha
  • "Is he defiling our baby?" Aww, hahaha.
  • "Honesty. Respect. Dance." Hah!
  • In May. Ohboy.
  • I juess Artie got in without a date after all. More pity?
  • I am pretty sure $200 of Panda Express will kill you, even spread out over several years.
  • "And PS, he is not in the Mafia."
  • Well played, Teen Jesus.
  • I like Quinn's dress, very cute.
  • Rory, you sneaky Irish bastard!
  • Puck, don't even pretend you aren't thinking about Lauren. (shut up and let me have my dreams)
  • Yaaay girlkiss! It pleases me when those two are actually happy.
  • HEART EYEPATCH! And a hat! I love Blaine. Cute and compact as ever, indeed.
  • Gotta admit, this looks like the best Valentine's Day party, ever.

    *She said, as though you guys only tune in for the quality snarking and review services I provide. You don't, right? Oh god.

    This entry was originally posted at You can comment here or there; it matters only that you comment PLEASE I NEED THE ATTENTION OH GOD PLEASE LOVE ME *SOB*.
  • Tags: glee

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